Mind games by shadow of death

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Submission Name: Mind games dots

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Author:	shadow of death
ASL Info:	18/M/baltimore
Elite Ratio:	3.55 - 37/50/33
Words:	106

Class/Type:	Deep Thought/Trapped
Total Views:	138
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	618

Description:

Mind games dots

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Sweet words are whispered and my head starts to spin.
I can't hide the deep feelings within.
Beautiful song are sungmand my mind starts to come undone.
Do you think this fun ?
You play these games to lead me on,
But in the end I'm hurt and all feelings are gone, But I know the torrment has only begon.
I,ve lost so much and I've become out of touch.
I can't trust my head but instead I wish I stayed in bed and cried until my eyes bleed.
Sweet words whispered and my head starts to spin.
I can't hide these deep feelings within.

Submitted on 2008-02-25 11:16:11 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
To me it feels like this poem started out like a dream or like from something that happened to you . I understand how you were feeling when you wrote this. Ive been there ... trust me. There were a few spelling errors but hey who doesnt . I feel you would have the potential to be an even better writer with time. this poem is like a rough draft to you full potential. Keep writing dont let anyones comments keep you down.

~Ms.Understood
| Posted on 2008-06-10 00:00:00 | by Rehian | [ Reply to This ]
An odd structure for a poem. Though I know you wanted thoughts on your poem, I was slightly frustrated by a few typing mistakes. It's ok though. ^_^ Now to the actual poem. I like this, but there's something off, like you wanted to write so much more but didn't. The sense that someone has hurt you and you can't keep your feelings hidden, but the piece is so small. You feel hurt, but you don't know why (other than the few clues you give). I don't know if that's genius or not. ^_^

Cheers,
~Persephone~
| Posted on 2008-02-26 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]

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