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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fictitious Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: colopoao
    ASL Info:    42/ Male / Hallowell Mai
    Elite Ratio:    4.89 - 62/55/18
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 756
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 631



    Description:
       This is a continuation of the Homeless Shelter poem. Kind of a part 2. Homeless shelter is being published in GASP magazine in the Summer time.

    I hope everyone is having a good day and week.....Chris


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFictitious Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fictitious World
    By Chris Osgood

    Fighting fire with fire,
    Vaporous breath
    Choking to life, an
    Eternal sleep that
    Creates a shadow land of
    Fear and comfort

    Falling into a void,
    REM state reacts to
    A more subtle approach
    Where oil and water
    Mix Harmoniously

    This all drowns into the
    Realism of this Fictitious World
    Where darks and lights co-exist.....
    Under a board-walk,
    Shaking off the cold and
    Wandering out to
    Find the next meal

    copyright Chris Osgood 2008




    Submitted on 2008-02-26 10:52:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You should be careful with your wording, Chris, "Where darks and lights co-exist" could very easily be misunderstood. As for the poem, I felt it was something out of a sci-fi movie. I'm not sure whether that was the image you wanted to give off. The true meaning, in my opinion, lies in picturing the real world, and the issues above being raised within that picture.

    I haven't read "Homeless Shelter" but since you've posted this seperately, I believe they could be appraised independantly. To be completely honest, I didn't find anything special about this piece. The issues approached are one's poets have written about since the beginning of time. In comparison, this piece lacks the original perspective required to compete. What it needs is a personal signiture to stamp it unique.

    I apologise if my comment was harsh, but those are my thoughts, and my suggestions on how to improve.

    Take care,

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2008-02-26 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


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