Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fictitious Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: colopoao
    ASL Info:    42/ Male / Hallowell Mai
    Elite Ratio:    4.89 - 62/55/18
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 848
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 631



    Description:
       This is a continuation of the Homeless Shelter poem. Kind of a part 2. Homeless shelter is being published in GASP magazine in the Summer time.

    I hope everyone is having a good day and week.....Chris


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFictitious Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fictitious World
    By Chris Osgood

    Fighting fire with fire,
    Vaporous breath
    Choking to life, an
    Eternal sleep that
    Creates a shadow land of
    Fear and comfort

    Falling into a void,
    REM state reacts to
    A more subtle approach
    Where oil and water
    Mix Harmoniously

    This all drowns into the
    Realism of this Fictitious World
    Where darks and lights co-exist.....
    Under a board-walk,
    Shaking off the cold and
    Wandering out to
    Find the next meal

    copyright Chris Osgood 2008




    Submitted on 2008-02-26 10:52:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You should be careful with your wording, Chris, "Where darks and lights co-exist" could very easily be misunderstood. As for the poem, I felt it was something out of a sci-fi movie. I'm not sure whether that was the image you wanted to give off. The true meaning, in my opinion, lies in picturing the real world, and the issues above being raised within that picture.

    I haven't read "Homeless Shelter" but since you've posted this seperately, I believe they could be appraised independantly. To be completely honest, I didn't find anything special about this piece. The issues approached are one's poets have written about since the beginning of time. In comparison, this piece lacks the original perspective required to compete. What it needs is a personal signiture to stamp it unique.

    I apologise if my comment was harsh, but those are my thoughts, and my suggestions on how to improve.

    Take care,

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2008-02-26 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    158120

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Stretto written by saartha
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Incubus written by monad
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    ME written by jjd
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry