Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fictitious Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: colopoao
    ASL Info:    42/ Male / Hallowell Mai
    Elite Ratio:    4.89 - 62/55/18
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 736
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 631



    Description:
       This is a continuation of the Homeless Shelter poem. Kind of a part 2. Homeless shelter is being published in GASP magazine in the Summer time.

    I hope everyone is having a good day and week.....Chris


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFictitious Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fictitious World
    By Chris Osgood

    Fighting fire with fire,
    Vaporous breath
    Choking to life, an
    Eternal sleep that
    Creates a shadow land of
    Fear and comfort

    Falling into a void,
    REM state reacts to
    A more subtle approach
    Where oil and water
    Mix Harmoniously

    This all drowns into the
    Realism of this Fictitious World
    Where darks and lights co-exist.....
    Under a board-walk,
    Shaking off the cold and
    Wandering out to
    Find the next meal

    copyright Chris Osgood 2008




    Submitted on 2008-02-26 10:52:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You should be careful with your wording, Chris, "Where darks and lights co-exist" could very easily be misunderstood. As for the poem, I felt it was something out of a sci-fi movie. I'm not sure whether that was the image you wanted to give off. The true meaning, in my opinion, lies in picturing the real world, and the issues above being raised within that picture.

    I haven't read "Homeless Shelter" but since you've posted this seperately, I believe they could be appraised independantly. To be completely honest, I didn't find anything special about this piece. The issues approached are one's poets have written about since the beginning of time. In comparison, this piece lacks the original perspective required to compete. What it needs is a personal signiture to stamp it unique.

    I apologise if my comment was harsh, but those are my thoughts, and my suggestions on how to improve.

    Take care,

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2008-02-26 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    158120

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    prison written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry