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    dots Submission Name: My wardots

    Author: Poetic Ways
    Elite Ratio:    1.31 - 9/24/26
    Words: 217
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 771
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1252


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy wardots

    as i lay awake restless unable to sleep
    my eyes are dry but my insides they weep
    the feelings i feel are far to steep
    to be dealt with alone im in too deep

    I see no pride thru these selfish eyes
    I cannot hear over these endless cries
    I cannot fight thru the misery & lies
    Cant keep my head up thru the infinite tries

    If pain didnt exsist then what would we feel
    my anger sweeps me into a hateful world
    Self inflicted or at others expense
    The pain i feel is never this tense

    Cries for help as I lash out at the lord
    I curse my blessings, the right paths ignored
    Obscene actions and no regrets are in store
    But the pain of failure it lasts forever more

    We look with in to find a reason
    the lord beggin us we keep believin
    the devils keepin us from breathin
    I say god damn to the bleedin heathen

    A creature inside dying to get out
    it wants to scream from all the pain its felt
    so i look to the skies to the lord i shout
    and hes lookin at me thru the eyes of doubt


    Submitted on 2008-02-26 11:59:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      God and the Devil are raging inside of everyone.

    Get over it?

    and then write bout it. Cause you're in whatever it is too deep to really explain it.

    Rhyme is overused. Try assonance or consonance a little bit. Some of it feels a bit forced with the rhyming, and it some places even the rhyme couldn't fit. Don't shoehorn a poem into a style, make the form match the function. And vice versa. Cause you're rhymin' about themes. and themes well... they're broad strokes.
    | Posted on 2008-02-26 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]

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