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My war

Author: Poetic Ways
Elite Ratio:    1.31 - 9 /24 /26
Words: 217
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 907
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1252


My war

as i lay awake restless unable to sleep
my eyes are dry but my insides they weep
the feelings i feel are far to steep
to be dealt with alone im in too deep

I see no pride thru these selfish eyes
I cannot hear over these endless cries
I cannot fight thru the misery & lies
Cant keep my head up thru the infinite tries

If pain didnt exsist then what would we feel
my anger sweeps me into a hateful world
Self inflicted or at others expense
The pain i feel is never this tense

Cries for help as I lash out at the lord
I curse my blessings, the right paths ignored
Obscene actions and no regrets are in store
But the pain of failure it lasts forever more

We look with in to find a reason
the lord beggin us we keep believin
the devils keepin us from breathin
I say god damn to the bleedin heathen

A creature inside dying to get out
it wants to scream from all the pain its felt
so i look to the skies to the lord i shout
and hes lookin at me thru the eyes of doubt


Submitted on 2008-02-26 11:59:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  God and the Devil are raging inside of everyone.

Get over it?

and then write bout it. Cause you're in whatever it is too deep to really explain it.

Rhyme is overused. Try assonance or consonance a little bit. Some of it feels a bit forced with the rhyming, and it some places even the rhyme couldn't fit. Don't shoehorn a poem into a style, make the form match the function. And vice versa. Cause you're rhymin' about themes. and themes well... they're broad strokes.
| Posted on 2008-02-26 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]

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