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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: White December (The Greatest Poem Ever Written)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 723
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 952



    Description:
       This is only the begining to my next project.
    FOr Clarification I'm not in any way try to say that this here is greatest poem ever written. I'm trying to say that the person in the story has written and forgotten the words.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhite December (The Greatest Poem Ever Written)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    It was somewhere ,
    In a lonely white December,
    I was right there,
    But I don’t quite remember,
    He cried and he cried,
    Right there on the paper,
    “You know, I want to,
    But I won’t See You Later”
    And then that night, he wrote,
    The greatest poem ever written,
    Etched in sketches in his veins,
    It was penned “Unforgiven’
    He stood still in his fear,
    And here to question the motive,
    Of why he never let it go,
    Or why he ever wrote it,
    He started to quote it from the heart,
    Esoteric thoughts then told him
    He needs her, so he pleads to her,
    Like Jesus, Mary, Joseph,
    Implosive thoughts cost him more,
    Than before,
    And there in his heart,
    He’s shook to the core,
    And he forgets the words
    Accept twelve syllables clear,
    To haunt him,
    Like they whisper in his ear




    Submitted on 2008-02-26 13:48:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love the way it flows. Very beautiful yet painful piece I look forward to reading more of it.
    | Posted on 2008-03-04 00:00:00 | by Katlord | [ Reply to This ]
      This must be the greatest poem ever written in your body of work.It's too short to even qualify as the best poem ever written.Good poem though. 5stars
    | Posted on 2008-03-02 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
      This has intensity and an unrelenting rhythm that drives it all the way through.

    Etched in sketches in his veins

    Loved it.
    | Posted on 2008-02-26 00:00:00 | by MC white | [ Reply to This ]
      As for all of our works, I loved the rhyme scheme for this; the "him" "Joseph" pair was forced, but it didn't deter my attention from the overall piece.

    I think this might be a typo; did you mean "that"?

    Right there on there paper

    I was a bit confused by the change in point of view; it wasn't as smooth as it could be. I felt like this was a memory. You used "I" because you're presently telling this story, and then refereed to "he", because maybe that was a part of yourself lost; you're not that person anymore.

    You switch from past to present, though I know this is only your beginning of it.

    It seems like the person is hurting so much, they just want to let go of the painful memories, but they can't. They try to let the pain out through poetry, and through it realize that they loved that girl, and getting rid of the pain wont be easy.

    I'm looking forward the seeing the finished product =]
    | Posted on 2008-02-26 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]


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