This is really good. Great job of setting it up with the picture too. Great job at describing what is going on. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, it takes those words to make a picture.
The only thing I can say that would make this a lot better would be to add punctuation at the end of your lines where it is needed. Example:
"She wakes up and screams.
Her mind is bleeding
From the thousands of needles
Behind her eyes."
It helps to add pauses and emphasis where it is needed.
Loved it. The imagery is good, not perfect, but very good. Don't get me wrong im no pro by any means, hell I barely consider myself a quote un-quote writer/poet, but I was so captivated by the first couple stanzas it ended too quickly. I wanted more! ;) Regardless of what I think- good write. You've got talent. Keep it up and I look forward to your next piece.
Take care.
OMG! It's been a long time since I've commented on anyone's writing, but I couldn't let this one go! I only have one thing to say...
"The atmosphere is scorching
Like walking barefoot on molten glass
She reaches weakly for the window
And presses her face against the cool glass"
In this I personally would've liked to see something other than another glass, but if you can't find another way to write it, this always works.
You have amazing images in this piece and I applaud you for facing your greatest fear in this manner. This is horrifying on so many levels but a really terrific write on so many others! I have to fav this one! I'm so very glad I came back to this!!!!!
Submission Name: Caught in the Blaze
