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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Imaginedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lovedeathsdeath
    ASL Info:    20/M/NCUSA
    Elite Ratio:    5.28 - 39/43/33
    Words: 178
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 144
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1074



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Imaginedots
    -------------------------------------------


    How can I write about you?
    I feel all of these things
    That you’ve put me through,
    But I always imagine
    That you might feel the same.

    And when my heart is bleeding my blood
    I imagine you crying your tears
    And when you can’t speak to me
    You know you’re twisting the knife
    And that is why you look away.

    I imagine you lying awake
    As I lay elsewhere dreaming of you
    And your thoughts are my dreams
    As I twist and turn, sleeping but never resting
    Because my mind is on you.

    I imagine you walking away
    And then watching me leave thinking
    That there could be something to say
    That could let me know how you feel.
    You saying those three words again would be enough.

    I imagine you saying three words
    Like you used to before we would leave
    And in the middle of conversation.
    You meant so much to me
    Because I knew you meant what you said
    And I know I mean what I say.




    Submitted on 2008-02-26 22:39:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey

    When I first started reading this I immediately thought - typical love-angst type of poem = proceed with caution, but there are some images and turns of phrase here that I really liked and took something from.

    'I imagine you crying your tears '
    It felt to me like there was at least a slight feeling of satisfaction in that. Yeah, you don't want to feel so hurt and you don't want this other person to be hurt either but there comes some connection, some kind of bond simply because both of these people still feel so deeply for each other, even if things aren't the same. The next line is good too as that inability to use language is often a symptom of such deep and powerful emotions. Sometimes when people don't speak it isn't because they don't care, it's because there's nothing to be said as the act of actually putting things into words diminishes the emotions so much that they seem so pathetic when they're actually out.
    Not sure about the next line though, the 'twisting knife' thing, though it may be accurate, is such an overused cliché that it has become pretty meaningless to anyone who has heard it more than a few times.

    You continue that emotional connection I mentioned with the whole thoughts/dreams concept, a nice touch. In fact I would say that that stanza, for me, is the strongest part of the poem. It's fairly fresh while being concise and powerful, as well as leaving ideas for the reader to ponder, so good job for that part.

    The last two lines are punchy and end the poem quite definitively. I enjoyed reading this. Hope things work out for you (even if that isn't much help when things are hard, but stuff does tend to work out, one way or another).
    | Posted on 2008-02-28 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]



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