Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cardiac Omissionsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 587
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1019



    Description:
       my first attempt at writing in what seems like forever. I've been broken, though I thought I was well, and I don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm not looking for anything here, I've been away a long time, and I am putting this out for my own sake... its just a bunch of non sensical ramblings at the moment. maybe one day I will make sense of it all.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCardiac Omissionsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Within the heart
    lies are formed
    time to remove it
    and learn of truth

    cleared heads
    can't be compromised
    closed eyes
    must be opened

    Starting over
    no regret
    starting over
    clock wont stop

    Within the body
    a wound born
    of the species man
    infections getting out of hand

    To save the whole
    some must be sacrificed
    amputations a must


    We can rebuild

    Instincts been ignored
    far too long

    Cardiac omissions
    hindered the lost soul
    Three words
    spoken out of turn

    But never to the reflection
    been to blind to see
    Love the single most
    important thing to give

    Cardiac omissions
    until all is given
    no reflection left
    and the infections spreading

    Who supports the pillar
    when its crumbling?




    Submitted on 2008-02-27 00:49:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You are Steve Austin (the bionic man not wrestler:
    A man barely alaive
    You have the power to rebuild him
    better
    stronger
    faster.


    Just had to get that out since the opening of thqat show kept playing through my head after that line. But it fits the situation too.

    Try:
    To save the whole
    some must be sacrificed
    amputations a must
    Ignored instincts far too long

    We can rebuild

    Sometimes it takes a strong emotion to spark us back to writing. I'm glad to see you back. It looks like several of us are getting back in touch.

    jan
    | Posted on 2008-03-07 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      hey silly boy ...u submitted something...i haven't been on here in a while and i get on and see you.ve submitted...this doesn't sound like a bunch of ramblings to me...this is clearly a broken man speaking wanting to have more to start over and realize whats important in his life...atleast thats what i got from it...and i think it comes off quite stunning...and the las lines left me with that feeling of wanting ...love silly girl...p.s. i hope your well and i miss you....
    | Posted on 2008-02-28 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      cleard heads = cleared?
    been [to] blind to see = too?
    and the [infections] spreading = infection's
    when [its] crumbling = it's


    theres a coupla little things to fix there but yes... i can feel the rawness coming through in these words and i cannot help but think that things didnt work out with you and your partner and if that is the case im so sorry coz i remember how happy you were.

    the title is brilliant... all the implications... wow.



    To save the whole
    some must be sacrificed
    amputations a must
    we can rebuild

    this stanza here would have to be my favourite. i cannot quite explain why though.
    a little suggestion though would be that you have 'we can rebuild' as a stand alone line... there is power in those words especially following the idea that it follows.

    ive often wondered about the supporting of crumbling pillars... someone once called me a pillar and when i felt like i crumbling i realised how strong i was coz no one was even remotely still withme... theyd crumbled age before... its a tough one john...

    its nice to see you back no matter what state you are in... you know where i am if you need me [and you know that i mean that ]
    | Posted on 2008-02-27 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    158149

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Dream written by closetpoet
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Cover written by saartha
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry