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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Gepettodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PastelSky
    ASL Info:    18/F/In the clouds
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 181/223/49
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Religious
    Total Views: 443
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1024



    Description:
       This poem is about the imperfections of humanity and how God created humans with their own free will... About how He made his creatures "in his image" and "likeness", though still prone to evil, temptation, and sin. Gepetto is the God figure in this piece, as Pinocchio represents humanity in general.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGepettodots
    -------------------------------------------


    His eyes are like mine.
    Innocent.
    His smile, his cheeks, his face.
    Lovingly crafted
    (who else can tell you that?).
    And then I breathed in him
    (and me, as well)
    an illusion of the rule.

    But lo!--
    though sparse and dainty--
    A rotten tree trunk,
    Moistened by tainted lips
    and corruption from glass eyes,
    seeps through the pores of his
    soiled face.

    And friends are rare, no doubt,
    as he is blinded by the cool azure
    of fairy dust
    to pursue lustful desires
    and fantasies--
    these fairytale creatures!
    Snakes of the sort.

    But alas,
    though a creation so beautiful, so perfect
    (His smile, his cheeks, his face),
    I've built with gears
    solid as jello,
    sturdy as ice,
    prone to imperfection.

    My little boy...
    Black as the sun and pale as the moon,
    forever exposed in broad interview.




    Submitted on 2008-02-27 14:29:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love it. It's very creative, and I'm a sucker for the old Disney movies. It's nice to see not only a fresh concept, but a very original take on it. There seems to be a shortage of that sort of thing nowadays.

    My only nitpick is
    "And then I breathed in him."

    I admit it, I'm a bit of a grammar Nazi. In him would imply being inside of him. It should be into him, I think. Honestly, I think the extra syllable would make that line flow better anyway, but that's just me.

    Kudos, keep writing,
    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2008-02-27 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]


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