Mirror by Cirruculum

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Submission Name: Mirror dots

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Author:	Cirruculum
ASL Info:	17/Male/SW Kansas
Elite Ratio:	8 - 36/35/17
Words:	126

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	135
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	766

Description:
Punctuation assistance? For some reason, I think I need more than commas and periods

.

Have a good day,
Cirruculum (TK)

Mirror

-------------------------------------------

Sitting on my bedroom wall
watching my every move
I feel so close to you
especially when we talk
Whenever I feel lonely or just need a lift
You give me perspective
and some courage too
Today I have a problem
and really need your help
So mirror on my bedroom wall
let's talk. Tonight I have a date and
I'm wearing my favorite dress
I had a facial and a manicure
but need a little assurance
So mirror, mirror my dearest friend
tell me if I look my best
As I turned to walk away I heard my mirror say
Oh my friend, my dearest friend
You would've looked so fine today
Hadn't it been for that awful dress.

Submitted on 2008-02-28 14:48:16 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  I just have one question though.....

if you're a guy...

why were you wearing a dress and all that? :]P

Hehe, jk :]
| Posted on 2008-04-09 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh!

I love this!!!

i think it's fine without punctuation, but if you want some, well, that's what I_Bleed_Ink is for :]

howevah!

i do think it may be a tad better if it were broken up, say, like this:

Sitting on my bedroom wall
watching my every move
I feel so close to you
especially when we talk

Whenever I feel lonely or just need a lift
You give me perspective
and some courage too

Today I have a problem
and really need your help
So mirror on my bedroom wall
let's talk.

Tonight I have a date and
I'm wearing my favorite dress
I had a facial and a manicure
but need a little assurance

So mirror, mirror my dearest friend
tell me if I look my best

As I turned to walk away I heard my mirror say
Oh my friend, my dearest friend
You would've looked so fine today
Hadn't it been for that awful dress.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

and perhaps the last line would sound better if it were
"Had it not been for that awful dress."

--
i love it!

i absolutely love it!!

one's best friend is a mirror!

so creative!!
--

wow :]

+Moz+
| Posted on 2008-04-08 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
  Punctuation assitance is here! ^_^ The changes will be in the brackets...

Sitting on my bedroom wall,
watching my every move,
I feel so close to you[--]
especially when we talk[.]
Whenever I feel lonely or just need a lift[,]
You give me perspective
and some courage too[.]
Today I have a problem
and really need your help[...]
So mirror on my bedroom wall
let's talk. Tonight I have a date and
I'm wearing my favorite dress[,]
I had a facial and a manicure
but need a little assurance[.]
So mirror, mirror my dearest friend[,]
tell me if I look my best[.]
As I turned to walk away[,] I heard my mirror say[,]
Oh my friend, my dearest friend[,]
You would've looked so fine today[...]
Hadn't it been for that awful dress.
| Posted on 2008-02-29 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]

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