Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Doing What I'm Not Alloweddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SanctityExposed
    ASL Info:    25
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 48/66/40
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 681
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 656



    Description:
       Preeeeetty much explainable in itself.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDoing What I'm Not Alloweddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hey! Guess what I'm doing?
    Oh yeah, that's right
    I'm calling you out
    Your fuckups I write.
    Controlling and mean
    Your ass thought was fine
    To beat me down, broke
    You did it with time
    "I'm not the bitch."
    You said to me cruelly,
    But guess what, you fuck?
    I left YOU, yours truly.
    You tell me you've changed
    That's great...for you.
    I still have to live with
    The shit I've gone through.
    So fuck you, you bastard
    With mental issues.
    Keep crying, you bitch
    I'll get some tissues.




    Submitted on 2008-02-28 16:10:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      its clear to me you had something to say with this piece... did it feel good saying it? getting it out there?

    sometimes writing to get stuff out is the most cathartic release known... being able to write what we're not quite brave enough or able to say for whatever reason.

    im thinking, if you wanted to pay attention to poetic devices and such in this piece, you should prolly give a little more attention to punctuation. while the line breaks serve as a close to natural form of punctuation i think that a few commas in here would bring out more of the power behind your words. it would give the recipient of your anger/emotion direction as to when to pause... pauses are great to bring power as they cause the reader to stop just long enough to realise the implications of what theyve just read before they go on to read more...

    but really..good luck.
    hope things start looking up for you
    | Posted on 2008-03-09 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Helen I believe when it comes to your writing theres no mercy and you take no [censored].But in person your much calmer because you know the timing to strike when it is needed.I like it,
    WORD REVENGE I believe it belongs in the womens bathroom for inspiration. 5stars
    | Posted on 2008-03-02 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm. Definitely feelin some emotion. *slaps forehead* der der der I'm guessing that this one is about your husband? Ok, so I need to turn off my ipod (Ronny James Dio - Last in Line is really distracting me). *click* OK, so back to your write. Emotion! emotion! Anger, anger, anger! So much anger it was beautiful (I'm just weird like that I guess).

    "I'm not the [censored]."
    You said to me cruelly,
    But guess what, you [censored]?
    I left YOU, yours truly.

    These were honestly my favorite lines in the whole piece. Just so much raw emotion and a kind of a laugh in the face, ha! I left you, how do you like it?! Well, that's my piece, can't think of anything else to say (nor anything bad to say). Also, I'm sowwy if you are hurting , I wish you all the best! Peace and inspiration!

    Duv
    | Posted on 2008-03-01 00:00:00 | by Draumrkopa | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    158271

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry