Doing What I'm Not Allowed by SanctityExposed

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Submission Name: Doing What I'm Not Allowed dots

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Author:	SanctityExposed
ASL Info:	22
Elite Ratio:	4.02 - 47/65/38
Words:	89

Class/Type:	Poetry/Angry
Total Views:	195
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	656

Description:
Preeeeetty much explainable in itself.

Doing What I'm Not Allowed dots

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Hey! Guess what I'm doing?
Oh yeah, that's right
I'm calling you out
Your fuckups I write.
Controlling and mean
Your ass thought was fine
To beat me down, broke
You did it with time
"I'm not the bitch."
You said to me cruelly,
But guess what, you fuck?
I left YOU, yours truly.
You tell me you've changed
That's great...for you.
I still have to live with
The shit I've gone through.
So fuck you, you bastard
With mental issues.
Keep crying, you bitch
I'll get some tissues.

Submitted on 2008-02-28 16:10:26 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  its clear to me you had something to say with this piece... did it feel good saying it? getting it out there?

sometimes writing to get stuff out is the most cathartic release known... being able to write what we're not quite brave enough or able to say for whatever reason.

im thinking, if you wanted to pay attention to poetic devices and such in this piece, you should prolly give a little more attention to punctuation. while the line breaks serve as a close to natural form of punctuation i think that a few commas in here would bring out more of the power behind your words. it would give the recipient of your anger/emotion direction as to when to pause... pauses are great to bring power as they cause the reader to stop just long enough to realise the implications of what theyve just read before they go on to read more...

but really..good luck.
hope things start looking up for you
| Posted on 2008-03-09 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  Helen I believe when it comes to your writing theres no mercy and you take no [censored].But in person your much calmer because you know the timing to strike when it is needed.I like it,
WORD REVENGE I believe it belongs in the womens bathroom for inspiration. 5stars
| Posted on 2008-03-02 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm. Definitely feelin some emotion. *slaps forehead* der der der I'm guessing that this one is about your husband? Ok, so I need to turn off my ipod (Ronny James Dio - Last in Line is really distracting me). *click* OK, so back to your write. Emotion! emotion! Anger, anger, anger! So much anger it was beautiful (I'm just weird like that I guess).

"I'm not the [censored]."
You said to me cruelly,
But guess what, you [censored]?
I left YOU, yours truly.

These were honestly my favorite lines in the whole piece. Just so much raw emotion and a kind of a laugh in the face, ha! I left you, how do you like it?! Well, that's my piece, can't think of anything else to say (nor anything bad to say). Also, I'm sowwy if you are hurting , I wish you all the best! Peace and inspiration!

Duv
| Posted on 2008-03-01 00:00:00 | by Draumrkopa | [ Reply to This ]

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