Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
    • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
    • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Gracedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: awastedsky
    Elite Ratio:    5.51 - 103/119/79
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 102
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 690



    Description:
       five years


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGracedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I got grace
    got grace paper thin
    I got grace wrapped all around me
    wrapped in silk, wrapped in sin

    I am sick, but gracefully so
    I got grace as I tiptoe
    to redemption and convulse, constrain, sin,
    I got grace as I tiptoe to the edge and I'm contemplating.

    It's all over
    And it hasn't even begun
    You knew when you started this disease
    It'll never be won

    Mathematics aren't a fun game no matter how
    much you subtract
    And baby, I've been subtracting
    ever since I begun

    Been subtracting, baby
    ever since I begun




    Submitted on 2008-02-29 01:56:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this. The beat of it. Said aloud I kind of read it quick-like. I think you use the repetition well in this piece.

    though - and this is just something to consider -
    maybe removing the 2nd 'sin' in the 2nd stanza... only because constrain/contemplating is an off-rhyme and kind of works here.

    I think the first 2 stanzas are the strongest. Though I like the repetition of the last 4 lines.

    I just love -

    I got grace.
    I got grace.

    | Posted on 2008-11-04 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked the first stanza...
    'wrapped in silk and wrapped in sin.'
    'you knew when you started this disease
    it'll never be won.'

    there's some grammar and you could do better wording in places but it was often very good.

    Somehow I see it working as lyrics to a song.
    Good luck,

    | Posted on 2008-02-29 00:00:00 | by dancer-of-words | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?    		7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    158296



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry