Love Undone by dismal

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Love Undone dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	dismal_s child
ASL Info:	17/F/Florida
Elite Ratio:	3.18 - 320/314/123
Words:	108

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	111
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	694

Description:
...

Love Undone dots

-------------------------------------------

Oh, for the love of god.
They can't hold me away.
They can't chain me to
keep me at bay.

I say, it's time for a revolution.
but, then again it's not my fight.
I waited for you. Waited.
Waited long hours into the night.

Blood soaked scarf.
just recently used to tie me down,
I told you dear,
Leave me piss off half the town.

God, I pray to a god.
I don't even believe anymore.
But, then again,
you just can't be sure.

I may be emo.
And I don't give a fuck.
let me be blunt...
This world SUCKS!

Submitted on 2008-02-29 06:23:36 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  The concept is great. I really love the second part of this piece. The way you wrote it showed quite some talent. I would recommend an edit to the last bit. Maybe something like:

"You may say I'm emo.
And I don't give a [censored].
But let me put it bluntly...
This world SUCKS!"
| Posted on 2008-02-29 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
  baby i love you and they can't
hold us away
they can't chain us down
yes its our time for revolution
but , again it our fight
b/c we are both fight my mother in a way
I'm sorry ok i couldn't come i wanted to but i couldn't I'm sorry i feel like I'm the cause of all of this
and I brought this to us I'm sorry ok I'm sorry
I know b/c I have a blood soaked rag
and I remember that scarf to
but baby its ok b/c we are never going to be like our parents I promise you I love you so very much and I'm so sorry baby I'm so sorry
I love you baby
| Posted on 2008-02-29 00:00:00 | by anguished_child | [ Reply to This ]
  ummmm...the scarf has Mummie worried.

should Mummie be concerned? if so, just give me a name and an address and i'll fix it for you, my precious perfect angel.

love and kisses,
hugz n misses,

Mum
| Posted on 2008-02-29 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
  nice write i love the cynicism... yea this world sucks a lot of the time but you have a real talent for writing and you can help to make it a better place. i love the visual imagery of the blood soaked scarf, and the tying down, it's great and although i may not fully understand everything i definitly like the idea of a revolution!
*siara*
| Posted on 2008-02-29 00:00:00 | by poetry chica | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

158298

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]