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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To Friendsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Swimming Bird
    ASL Info:    31/m/AR
    Elite Ratio:    5.36 - 92/90/27
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1244
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 834



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo Friendsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    To those who put our needs ahead of their own
    To those who come when we feel all alone
    To those who let shoulders become waterfalls
    To those who become our own padded walls

    To those who can always get us to smile
    To those who sit and just hold us a while
    To those who cry for us when we seem unable
    To those who believe in us when we are unstable

    To those who check on us when nothing is wrong
    To those whose company is never too long
    To those who we always are yearning to see
    To those who we always wish we could be

    Our gratitude can never be properly said
    Our words always tumble around in our head
    But always know (before this poem should end)
    I will be ever grateful, my companion, my friend.




    Submitted on 2008-02-29 08:37:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very Good Job with this one
    To me Friends are an extension of family
    It takes a lot for me to call someone a Friend
    And you captured exactly what a True Friend is very well with your words
    I am making this a Favorite
    Great Job!!!

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2008-06-14 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Aw. This was adorable. I love it. Usually writes like this are too cheesy for me, but this one was done really well. I also agree with everyone else that this isn't at all too short.

    I have a nitpick about the word "head." I know it's all supposed to rhyme, but I think you could get away with using "heads." I wouldn't call you out for it, anyway.....

    I also think the last two lines need to be put back into the "we" and "our" perspectives. It's weird that they switch mid-stanza like that.


    Kudos. Keep writing
    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2008-03-25 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this.
    Especially since it is exactly what you are to me. :)
    Thanks for being the wonderful person, and friend, that you are.
    Not to mention, FANTASTIC poet :D
    -Miranda
    | Posted on 2008-03-06 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I must say that I typically don't like these kinds of poems because they tend to come across quite hokey and cheesy. However, you did a fantastic job of making it sound so completely natural. No part of this piece seemed like you were trying too hard to find a word that rhymed.

    It was a very honest piece and I really appreciated how you presented it. Very nice job!

    Candi
    | Posted on 2008-02-29 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is awesome! Im glad you finished it.
    And its perfect. It touches practically every subject and pin points all the greatness of friends.
    Its the perfect poem anyone could give to a friend.
    I love it, and like always, you did a wonderful job!
    | Posted on 2008-02-29 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]
      hey

    My first thought it that I wouldn't say it's too short. You keep things manageable. If you put too many ideas in there it is very easy to repeat yourself, bore the reader, send the poem in circles. Yeah, it's a subject that you could say a lot about but sometimes the significance is in the restraint. It's good as it is.

    I think, although the rhyme and rhythm is rather simplistic, it works here because it has that 'everyman' feel to it. Anyone can read it, appreciate it and see the truth that's there. You don't have to paint it up with extravagance and complexities. It's also about the best side of friends, which is the simplistic view of things, so the style is even more appropriate. If there were dark undertones it wouldn't work so well.

    It has the feel of something you might write in a birthday card or of something that is framed and hanging on the wall in someones hallway. It is what it is and it says what it says and that is what's nice about it.

    Cheers for the read.
    | Posted on 2008-02-29 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]


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