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    dots Submission Name: The Haunted Starshipdots

    Author: Algol46
    ASL Info:    200/m/East of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    2.72 - 1111/1235/613
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 716
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 707


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Haunted Starshipdots

    I rode the nightmare past the starry spit
    Of galaxies that curl like one huge shroud,
    Beyond a lone though monumental cloud
    Where ancient starships in the darkness sit,
    One crew, long ghosts, though yet they still commit
    Those passions and those duties long avowed
    To their captain imperially proud
    That in their deaths no rest he will permit.

    So as I pass I mark that rusted bulk
    Its ghostly lights glow deep with the ship,
    Its once sleek hull now just a vented hulk
    Moves slowly through the dust where it will slip,
    So long from home, and yet, again, so far,
    Into this dark and nearby neutron star.

    Submitted on 2008-02-29 10:54:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I love the first bit. The way you put together the words and the rhymes was lovely. The second bit, however, throws off that steady flow that was present in the first part. The imagery is great, you certainly have a way with creating images out of words. My only suggestion is you re-look the last couple lines, and see if you can't add one or two to complete the rhyming pattern.
    | Posted on 2008-02-29 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a switch for you! From ghostly ships at Sea, to ghost haunted Starships! It still has that brilliant unique ghostly realm that you are so good at portraying! This has an excellent structure, story, and rhyme!
    | Posted on 2008-02-29 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

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