[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Shortcomingsdots

    Author: deathbelow
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 34/43/17
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 448
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 823

       Ok so i haven't written in forever...this is probably sucky...In most places it doesnt rhyme and its not supposed to...so deal with it ha ha...give me some honest feed back

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Tell me
    That the road between our fingertips
    Isn't a labyrinth with no center-no end,
    With a tangled past
    Beaten trails used and worn
    a dead end, where walls have fallen in.
    Tell me
    That you know the way
    With no maps or direction
    Know that the path you walk on is
    Where you are supposed to be
    Where you are
    Where you belong.
    If you could hold me in your arms tonight
    My skin upon your own,
    know the places less traveled
    Are the ones that we both know.
    Hold me in your distant dreams
    And know I will be there
    At the end of the road
    In the middle of the maze
    A kiss upon your lips
    I will be waiting-
    To know that you'll be here.

    Submitted on 2008-03-01 01:26:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is pretty good for not writing for a long time. I think it drags out a bit in the middle with all the repetitive wheres. I know it is for effect, but I just got tired of it. I think you need to just go over it again and fix a few things like that and it will be great.

    | Posted on 2008-03-01 00:00:00 | by Sirbongatron | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Linger written by saartha
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    AI written by poetotoe
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Every..... written by jackz
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]