Tell Me by SweetAndOhSoME

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Submission Name: Tell Me dots

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Author:	SweetAndOhSoME
ASL Info:	17/f/Here
Elite Ratio:	8 - 252/96/64
Words:	56

Class/Type:	Poetry/Friendship
Total Views:	259
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	396

Description:
About someone I know...not so good...but, hey, give me your comments!

Tell Me

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Tell Me

You stand there,
Without emotion.
How is it you fare?
Does your mind have no notion?

I cannot read,
Those eyes expressionless.
Know not any one deed,
Are you really so impressionless?

It seems strange,
Haven’t you a care?
Not a single derange?
Tell me, how is it you fare?

Submitted on 2008-03-01 16:25:15 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  It seems to be quite a deep idea... i am not sure

I cannot read,
Those eyes expressionless.
Know not any one deed,
Are you really so impressionless

This stanza holds the key... By questioning you have actually emphasized this point that exptessionless people are not always impressionless.

Nice use of a subtle poetic tool...

The last lines are intense like you are jolting someone up from death to life .... Excellent, Don't undervalue your talents... its a very nice poem.

| Posted on 2009-03-19 00:00:00 | by Myrrh | [ Reply to This ]
  In my opinion, this is pretty good. Maybe its because I can relate because recently I met up with someone from my past and I couldn't read them, I couldn't understand what they cared about or if they cared at all. It just reminded me of someone sitting there, staring into the eyes of someone and a billion questions going through their head. Its short, which I like because theres nothing worse than reading a boring poem that goes on forever...lol. I'm trying to think a word that describes this, but I'm not doing very well. It's just very good, and I'm going to add it to my favorites. (I swear I'll get better at commenting. :P)

-Inkpen
| Posted on 2009-01-17 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]
  A poem about that person you cant read, who has everything to hide, the apathetic soul you so desire to get to know, but who never shows the slightest inkling of caring about anything. Its... simple, and the rhymes get sing-songy, but the message, and your hypothetical questioning give it a lot of punch. Hopefully you get to know the person your attempting to, but those empty eyes... they tend to stay that way.
| Posted on 2008-06-22 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]

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9. How could it be improved?
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11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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