I'm not usually one for introspection. At least, to the general public, which is what I'm essentially doing here.
But I thought it'd be interesting to explore a rarely talked about subject in society - love!
Okay, I'm a little sarcastic. But at the same time, I'm not. At least, not when I talk about love. My ideas on the subject are different, and I'd like to say a little unique (as are everyone else's ideas). I completely blame my parents and their own brand of uniqueness; not in a bad way, of course.
Friendship is actually the most important thing to me, and it intertwines with a relationship - a loving relationship - rather tightly. I could never leap into love, or at least, I don't think I could. I won't knock what I haven't tried, but I think it would be highly unlikely. I'm also not saying I have anything planned out either! That's boring...having plans, I mean. An outline, I can see. A color-coded schedule? Ha! Ridiculous, not to mention practically impossible. Nothing in life is organized.
I guess, the closest thing I could come to a romantic fantasy would go something like this:
I know someone for a while. Maybe from childhood, maybe not. But definitely longer than half a year.
We share a lot of things, but we have passions and similar sorts of humor. I like movies and video games - they do too. I happen to love the taste of sushi in the morning, and they seem utterly repulsed by that. We know we aren't perfect - and we understand the boundaries we're willing to cross as well as the ones we know we never will. They support my most beloved activities, and I them. And a few of them, we hate, but we put up with it because, well...we know each other.
It takes a while, and we may be far apart at times, but whenever we greet each other, its as if we had never left one another. Past, present, and future indiscretions are talked over, sometimes cried about, and we get over it, move on, and try to succeed.
Sooner or later, we pick up that maybe we should probably try out this whole sex thing. In a more informed context.
From then on, we are even more close, because both of us figure out that even sex isn't that romantic. *laughs*
That's all I have in mind. Man, I'm not even that picky. Image is nice, but not important, because it's true what they say - at the risk of sounding sappy - it's what's on the inside that really counts. If you don't care what your friends look like, why should you care what your lover looks like?
So in conclusion, I suppose that my interests lie in the person who makes me the happiest even in my most uncomfortable hour. Now, I'm sure some of the billions of people (*snark*) who read this blog will wonder how I'll figure out who I love, considering that what I mostly look for can already be found in good friendships. The honest answer is that I don't know. It's probably some indescribable nudge that'll get me to figure it out for myself. Back to color-coded futures - how am I supposed to know anyway? I'm not a psychic after all.
Gender isn't honestly that important. At least, I don't think so. I have to admit I'm more captivated by male features than female ones. I'm terribly shy with guys I'm actually attracted to - or attractive ones - and I hate that terribly, but I've been informed it's a problem that afflicts people all the time (with the same or opposite sex), so I have been working on getting rid of that little issue.
But truthfully, if it came right down to it, I'd have no issue falling in love with people of my own gender or my opposite one. I love the person under the skin, and I'm damn proud that appearances matter so little to me.
So now, after figuring it all out, I suppose I'll just have to keep an eye out. Nobody is ever not looking for a relationship - it'd be blatant slander/libel to say that. We all crave that need for a partner in crime to share our most intimate and slightly embarrassing thoughts with. And for sex. That's important too. You'd be surprised at how hard it is to get a relationship due to the awkwardness that our own bodies provide us with rather abundantly. Humans, oddly enough, tend to make sex into the most complicated acts on the face of the planet - and I'm not talking about it physically.
The nervousness of doing it with someone you're already close with is actually more daunting an act than experiencing it with a complete stranger. There's the preparation, the act itself, and the slight shame and anxiety that follows afterward (if you hadn't been waiting years for it, that is). It is, as they say, not like it is in the books. Romance or not - fiction is, without a doubt, still fiction. Sometimes even non-fiction can lie to you, as odd as that seems.
So yes. Love is not sex, and it never will be. It's pretty hard for me to confuse the two. Sex is an action that can violate trust, disillusion the heart-felt, and shatter love completely - as well as provide all of the opposite reactions. So no, sex is REALLY not love.
Love is joy shared. Sometimes, it also causes pain and doubt, but ultimately, it revolves around happiness - whether it's a lack of it, or an acknowledgment of it. It's about friendship taking the next step on the trust scale. Friends might be there when you fall, and sometimes they'll help you pick up the pieces. But a lover understands why you fell - how hard it was for you to break. And not only will they help pick up the pieces, but they'll put you back together.
All in all, I think I'm lucky. I've found many friends, some close, some not so much. But they've all taught me their lessons in love, and I've learned from them, cataloging their experiences for future reference. I'll admit to not finding (or realizing) anyone who could possibly be closer than a friends, but I'm in no rush. I have the craving, the raw need, to have my missing half with me; just like anyone else in this big wide world.
But I also know that I'd rather have the right one rather than the temporary one. Because if life is going to be as impermanent as I think it is, I'd rather have something I know will last at least as long as I will.