Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
    • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
    • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: not a last good-byedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: love_confusion
    ASL Info:    15/f/ct
    Elite Ratio:    1.63 - 4/19/23
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 79
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 363



    Description:
       the phone call i never wanted (i know it needs some more work)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsnot a last good-byedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I hung up the phone with not a last goodbye
    today the time didnt seem to fly
    i turned to my bed and cried the night away
    my mind echoing the words you seemed to say
    you hurt me and destroyed me
    misguided me and mistreated me
    shattered my dreams, shattered my soul
    just with the power of a few of your words




    Submitted on 2008-03-02 19:46:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice indeed.
    I see you said you wanted to work on it a little, in your description.
    I retooled it a tiny bit- it really does not need much work at all, but you don't have to do any of this- take from it whatever you think works better for you. It's just my suggestion:

    I hung up the phone, with no last goodbye
    Today the time did not seem to fly
    I turned to my bed and cried the night away
    My mind echoing the words that you seemed to say
    You hurt me, destroyed me
    Misguided and mistreated me
    Shattered my dreams, shattered my soul
    With just the power of a few of your words

    Hope that helps, or gives you a starting point to rework it yourself...

    -Ceyx
    | Posted on 2008-03-03 00:00:00 | by Ceyx | [ Reply to This ]
      even though it only has a few words, its still sad. im sorry for your pain. its raw which means to me that it is powerful, if you feel like adding more it will only add to the power you have started to show.
    | Posted on 2008-03-02 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.