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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tickle Warsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: deadlydarkdevil
    Elite Ratio:    5.35 - 241/173/40
    Words: 208
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 101
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1209



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTickle Warsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm enveloped in warmth here with you on the bed
    And I"m happy for once thinking on what you've said
    As it grows in my head, I move closer to you
    Unaware of the terrible thing you will do

    As your hand raises up my breath catches in fear
    I'm brought back to that day, to that face, and his leer
    Then the instant has passed and your hand rests on me
    Brushing softly my ribs, then it moves tenderly

    As the motion goes on, too late I realize
    Not quite malice I saw floating, there, in your eyes
    And I laugh in response, and push your hand away
    Giggle lightly as it moves less gently to slay

    Both my worries and thoughts. Now all that I can do
    Is attempt to fight back, I start assailing you
    But I note before long that effect it has none
    You're immune to attack, and all my strength is gone

    So I curl in a ball, as you laugh above me
    Cry, "You win! I give up!", words that are laced with glee.
    We both cease and you say, "I like tickling you"
    And I know by those words that we'll soon start anew.




    Submitted on 2008-03-02 22:10:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      That is entertaining! I never read a poem about tickling!

    Trying to find something to criticize. Actually, it is so easy to write rhyming couplets that everybody gets them perfect ... except people who just can't do it at all, being good at other stuff instead ....

    I think I started talking about the verseform because I thought it was itself, as a whole, an imperfect part of the reading experience.
    Trying to figure out why I should react like that. Maybe my ear feels your wit would better suit a five-line stanza with a trickier rhyme-scheme, for this story.

    Yes! Look: This is a plain narrative told in lively style, and it has no fancy figures of speech in it which would have made the text itself decorative and intriguing, independently of its story. Therefore, I felt the lack of applied ornamentation - because that's what I love most about verse! So, even though it's a good story well told, I would have been even more tickled by more-complicated stanzas. I guess this is a matter of taste rather than an important criticism; but I hope it is useful.
    | Posted on 2008-03-03 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]



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