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    dots Submission Name: Blood Raindots

    Author: hawkeye
    ASL Info:    20/Female/Kentucky
    Elite Ratio:    2.47 - 9/18/10
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 999
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 565


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    dotsBlood Raindots

    Whats the point?
    Why do I try?
    I try to please you,
    but all you do is tease me.
    You make me feel like I'm nothing.
    What joy do you get out of that?
    Apparently, its something that I don't understand.
    When the tears come flooding down my face,
    and all I hear are your cruel words.
    Then I realize that the wetness upon my face is not tears, but blood.
    My tears are adding up can't you see that?
    No I guess not.
    So for now I will stand alone,
    in this blood rain.

    Submitted on 2008-03-03 12:36:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is quite a good poem. The concept is very easy to understand and you do use some imagery in the last line. The only problem I had was that the flow, in some places, is a little off which made me pause while reading. Other than that the poem is reasonable, it has a few places that could be touched up but nothing drastic. I wonder if the flow would be better if you altered some of the longer lines?? Just a thought.
    | Posted on 2008-03-04 00:00:00 | by Cat | [ Reply to This ]

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