Scent of a flower
Devour the air as you speak,
lips pursed, been cursed, this feeling I call love and above all I listen,
Your words glisten in the breeze
A soul sneeze
I am Purged
(the only thing i could recommend is to think about the long line in there. especially since there's that close rhyme at the beginning of the line (speeds the reading up)... the length slows the read down a bit.
i might suggest the following:
Scent of a flower
Devour the air as you speak,
lips pursed, been cursed,
this feeling I call love
and above all I listen,
Your words glisten in the breeze
A soul sneeze
I am Purged
that is, of course, only a suggestion. i would also maybe reconsider the placement of your punctuation, particularly the last comma.)
(oh--and devour should probably be devours, unless you add some funky punctuation to offset the tense...)
Submission Name: Purge
