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    dots Submission Name: White Spacesdots

    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 40
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 680
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 297

       This is poetry that i'm just trying different styles or some stuff i'm making up lol so it will be strange

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhite Spacesdots

    A book lays on the table,
    All alone.
    A rook flew from the pages,
    Knowledge flown.
    Black wings of ink,
    Dripping sage.
    Crow sings out loud,
    Melody vague.
    All over pages,
    Are white spaces
    Where black letters
    Have not found.

    Submitted on 2008-03-03 16:36:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      what incredible visuals in such few words.

    it was like a little movie in my head, each line...

    i wouldn't change anything, not even the punctuation...
    punctuation is unnecessary in poetry, but i feel that in this piece, it works for it.

    nicely, nicely done.
    | Posted on 2008-03-31 00:00:00 | by Syn | [ Reply to This ]
      I actually like this but think the last line could be a bit stronger. Have not found leaves the reader thinking it's incomplete, what haven't I found? either change Have to Are or change the word found to something more descriptive and less passive in voice.

    I have to admit I kept thinking of Poe's Raven and To Kill A Mockingbird when I was reading this. It's just the imagery, but I liked it unless your using the Raven as an imagery of Death in which case it screws up the idea of knowledge being good for you and reads more like too much knowledge will kill you...lol

    | Posted on 2008-03-04 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      This to me is a bit weird. I'm not quite sure what to say about it except that it is abstract. I'm not quite sure what you were going for here, so I can't comment to that.

    I'm not going to say I liked it, but I'm not going to say I didn't either.
    | Posted on 2008-03-03 00:00:00 | by Elissar | [ Reply to This ]

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