[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Difference in Perspective dots

    Author: Ettenna Izus
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 11/9/14
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 771
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 989


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Difference in Perspective dots

    In the cold itís hard to tell whatís steam and whatís smoke.
    I can see the stuff leaving his lips, same as always,
    drifting upward like the hands of a clock at noon,
    thin and stringy like a broken spider web,
    shivering and swaying in the sharp breeze.

    That cylinder like chalk candy is perched between his fingers,
    the same way a child holds anotherís hand.
    Higher the cloud floats like stacks spit up by nuclear power plants,
    like storm clouds and fog, like the spread of blood in water.

    But I see the happy white camp-fire drizzle and miss
    those lazy summers where he lit a match and sparked my imagination.
    Or I see the pillowy bunches he breathed out of the chimney at Christmas.
    I see it leaving my lips, and floating up amongst all the other stuff
    And itís an inert thing, a frivolous thing, something I can live with,
    And not at all the thing that killed him.

    Submitted on 2008-03-06 20:19:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I am not sure what to say to this particular piece. It is haunting and beautiful and just a touch funny. This made me think of watching a lover smoke, the way the tendrils will curl around the air and float there, especially in warm golden beams of light in the late afternoon. You captured an element in this that brings this piece both humor and a more serious, dramatic side. I compliment you for that.

    A very lovely piece
    | Posted on 2008-03-07 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    To written by SavedDragon
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Incubus written by monad
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Bond written by saartha
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Wavelength written by saartha
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Push written by JanePlane
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]