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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Little Brothers are Not Infallibledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ettenna Izus
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 11/9/14
    Words: 241
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 660
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1499



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLittle Brothers are Not Infallibledots
    -------------------------------------------


    My brother leans in on the window and breathes
    three-year-old hope spilling onto the pane like milk.
    He draws a circle in the condensation, then the circle smiles
    and so does he, satisfied and proud as only he could be.

    That Christmas I burned my hand
    on a crayon fallen too close to the heating vent.
    The molten wax just clung to my fingers like new blue skin.
    I cried, staring stricken at the mottled texture,
    frenetically waving my hand but unable to release the retained heat.

    The cold on the window saved me,
    when I pressed my hand up close until the blue flaked off like a scab,
    like the ice the trees shed after the storm, sloughed off like their own personal burdens.
    I pressed my face against it too, like I was touching another world
    and watched the taillights move away like time

    Into the breeze, still crusty from the ocean two miles off
    where he skipped through the tourist traffic behind his bigger brother.
    His face flushed when it hit him, like a baseball to the chest,
    a layer of dreadful red beneath the sunburned pink.

    He hesitated like a startled rabbit, and thump!
    it hit him again with the second pass.
    We both yelp like puppies with stepped-upon tails,
    shaking as he limped back stiff-limbed and terrified,
    drunk off the fear that spilled onto the sidewalk in grayish-pink vomit.




    Submitted on 2008-03-06 20:24:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      actually, frenetically and frantically are two different words. so is fanatically. just to let you and sweet know.

    its pretty cool, but i had a hard time being sure the little brother was three or a drunken teen/20 yr old.

    it could use a little bit of clarity there. Other than that you have a good piece on your hands here.

    xoxo
    | Posted on 2008-03-07 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      That is... interesting. Some of it leaves you expecting greatness...and the rest...well... it needs to get out of there. There are some spelling mistakes not that that is a big deal but there is. frenetically - frantically. I think. Don't quote me on that. But I am pretty sure. ANyways, its pretty good
    | Posted on 2008-03-06 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]


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