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    dots Submission Name: Papercutdots

    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 197
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 643
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1284


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    She aims for my heart and wrists,
    Instead of just my finger tips,
    bliss has become eclipsed,
    By grief and cuts of this,
    Flesh, like fresh meat,
    Take a seat this is new
    The show has begun,
    "You are one of the chosen few.
    To love her,"

    There will be many whose hearts she has taken
    Oh... you in the back, no...
    You must be mistaken
    This show is for those only,
    Who have received the mark,
    Upon their finger tips AND wrists,
    AND bleed at heart,
    Here she arrives--
    She is queen now bow to her pleasure,
    Test her out come and see,
    Her faith is good in measure
    Whether your black or white
    Asian, or Islamic,
    Her passion burns with fire,
    In time-space-- atomic,
    And her comical sense,
    Is like her common sense,
    Oh beauty... oh beauty,
    Hearts throb intense,

    She aims for my heart and wrists,
    Instead of just my finger tips,
    bliss has become eclipsed,
    By grief and cuts of this,
    Flesh, like fresh meat,
    Take a seat this is new
    The show has begun,
    "You are one of the chosen few.
    To love her, "

    Submitted on 2008-03-07 10:35:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Great job! I loved the repetition of the first stanza; clever way to really tie the whole poem together.

    I can imagine this being a song xp
    Have you heard "papercut" by gym class heroes?
    I really like that song, and liked this alot as well.

    I also really liked the sly change in perspectives.
    The first stanza sort of portrays the "victims" pov; the middle shows the girls/those in relation to her side of the story's pov and then it comes back to the victim, as if saying: never forget who's the one hurting. While you might be somewhat fooled by her charm; dont give in, in the end someone has to get hurt-badly- and its not the girl.
    | Posted on 2008-03-07 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]

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