Description: ... Where she goes, there the woes ...
Will -------------------------------------------
Though part of me yells
All the more loud wails
Moving on I was then relentless
Proving that I was an endless
Unperturbed and guided gale
Under my will I will not fail
Though my world may now whirl
All of me twist and twirl
So be it be more cruel
Go ahead make this duel
Done from straight to a swirl
None can bring down this girl...
It does feel as though this poem is forcing rhyme, it is not neccesary as a lot of the imagery is very good. I can see that it is someone trying to show their inner strength and triumph over disaster, but it does need perfecting
Though parts of this have a good and original wording, some of the rhyme felt forced, and the overuse of the word "I" made it a less enjoyable read. Because, while I may sympathize that "she" feels that way or "you" feel that way, "I" do not. Changing that may make this a better read.
Submission Name: Will
