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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Thanks Daddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: hawkeye
    ASL Info:    20/Female/Kentucky
    Elite Ratio:    2.47 - 9/18/10
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/You left me
    Total Views: 755
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 909



    Description:
       


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    dotsThanks Daddots
    -------------------------------------------


    You left me here alone,
    to face the world.
    Why did you leave that warm sunny day?
    I stood there in disbelief that you were leaving.
    You said that you were only leaving her,
    that you weren't leaving me.
    Now when I look back I see that I was stupid to believe a bunch of lies.
    I didn't do anything,
    thats what you said,
    but everyday I think of you when I slide that blade over my wrist.
    You said that you loved me before you drove away.
    But was it true?
    You don't even know that I cut myself,
    is it really that hard to tell.
    Can't you see the pain my eyes are trying to hide?
    No I guess not,
    especially when you choose not to see it.
    So that day when I watched you drive down the road,
    I realized that you didn't care what happened to me.
    Thanks Dad!




    Submitted on 2008-03-10 12:35:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I can relate to this piece. My dad didn't leave me. He was just an abusive ass. My mom could never see what was wrong with me I don't think she ever will. She lives in denile and thats were she is happy. So I let her stay there. I know it's hard to cope with parents that don't understand because they don't want to. But think about it.. Do they really need to see. You know what's going on and what needs to be done. It's up to you to do it.
    | Posted on 2008-03-12 00:00:00 | by Katlord | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, while being very honest, very emotionally charged, this could be greatly improved. How does the cutting reflect what is going on on the outside? What happened to make you feel so abandoned? How did you change between that day and now? The wording was sloppy, it would read much better if cleaned up. You should have: I didn't do anything, in quotation marks. Also amy want to change it to "you didn't do anything" SHOW me what this was like. Don't just tell me what happened. Show me the pain in his eyes as he spoke to you, the vermillion of your blood as you loosed your demons like smoke into the world.

    And also, I used to be a cutter, it is hard to be around those you love, especially when they are seperated, looking at them and knowing that they don't understand your pain. That they don't understand why you do it. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to IM me.
    | Posted on 2008-03-10 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]


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