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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: you'll find medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: purplesun24
    Elite Ratio:    4.41 - 1139/1171/167
    Words: 162
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 701
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1125



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsyou'll find medots
    -------------------------------------------


    and its
    returned
    to my pathetic
    rages
    of feeling useless
    my control has broken
    and
    rolled beneath the couch

    i try to reach it
    telling myself i never needed this
    feeling of security

    i think about ambition
    and i break so easily

    it kills me

    life time warranty

    the words have been mis printed

    i'm no longer able
    to think correcctly
    to grasp things as easily
    i've become
    brilliant in madness

    this lonelyness
    that i live in

    and your arms never opened for me

    but his were there to push me
    his words there to blame me

    thinking you couldn't matter

    and you never asked me
    if my wounds had healed
    beneath these shabby bandaids
    he's placed on them

    just reach out and realize
    i need you
    you'll find me

    alone

    hoping for words that mean something.




    Submitted on 2008-03-10 17:31:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i liket he way the lines are broken, like the feeling of the poem. =]

    BUT


    there's a typo.

    Typos really do agitate me....

    ithink the person who invented them should imprisoned......

    anyway


    "lonelyness" is actually l-o-n-e-l-i-n-e-s-s.

    >_<

    it is a natural peeve...ahhh......okay.


    the poem was kinda...idk if "cool" is the word, but this does indeed sound like something that could be lyrics that a band i know would make up =]


    i like the band-aid bit as well.


    reminds me of a cartoon for some reason =


    Neat =]



    +Moz+
    | Posted on 2008-03-13 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this as a Euro-rap/technotronic song... I did not mean to- but I was listening to one and it sort of happened... IT WORKED, though! How kewl is THAT?

    "and you never asked me if my wounds had healed beneath these shabby band-aids he's placed on them"

    Kick-@$$ line, for sure!

    You did a great job penning this out... Did you mean to have the space in misprinted? Either way- you should do MORE to make that word "misprinted" to help emphasize the point with a punch...

    -Ceyx
    | Posted on 2008-03-12 00:00:00 | by Ceyx | [ Reply to This ]
      it's almost like this piece is two halves that were put wrong. the beginning feels like it should be at the end and the end feels like if not be at the beginning but feels like the sentiments are stronger or came first; are just more important.

    i really relate to this, as clichéd as that phrase has become 'round these parts. it's certainly something to want and need someone who doesn't feel the same way, to try and find some other solace and love, only to be terribly wrong and then finding yourself needing and wanting more than ever the original object of torment and affection with more wounds and aching than you started with. that's certainly my life at the moment.

    and how wonderful it is to see such heartbreak expressed so poignantly? great word choice and rhythm and your line breaks serve to highlight the brokenness within and the power of the words standing alone. great work.

    thanks for sharing!

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2008-03-10 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]


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