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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: they have the sharpest edgesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: in shadow
    ASL Info:    19/F/ nightmares
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 531/223/75
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 61
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 997



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthey have the sharpest edgesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I’m breaking the rules
    Because rules have the sharpest edges
    The kind of pain reminds you that you’re alive
    The beating heart reminds you that you're awake
    I’m holding you accountable
    For the loss of my mind
    Oh me oh my
    Candy coated memories that I forgot to remember
    Oh how careless of me
    I’ve brought you here and can’t recall why;
    It was the sound of running water
    The sound of running feet
    the sound of running out of me
    Laughter
    Before
    and After
    Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up
    I’m tired of waiting up
    I’m fleeting like a daydream
    Catch me, catch me, catch me if you can

    (can’t catch me I’m the gingerbread man)

    Just another fading fairytale that gave you nightmares once,
    but your too afraid to forget them now...





    Submitted on 2008-03-11 15:37:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i like this one, mostl for the style
    its as if youre in someones head and theyre freeflow thinking

    specially this phrase speaks to me

    "Candy coated memories that I forgot to remember"

    LOVE it cause that happens to me... or something like it, ill have random flashbacks of things i completely forgot or pushed out of my mind

    and your=you're
    | Posted on 2008-03-12 00:00:00 | by andnow | [ Reply to This ]
      Favorited!
    For this one I do have a few suggestions, though...
    'Pain reminds me that you’re alive' sounds more... cutting...
    Like:::

    I’m breaking the rules
    -Because rules have the sharpest edges
    Pain reminds me that you’re alive
    I’m holding you accountable
    -For the loss of my mind
    Oh me, oh my
    Candy coated memories that I forgot to remember
    Oh, how careless of me
    -I’ve brought you here and can’t recall why;
    It was the sound of running water
    The sound of running feet
    the sound of running out of me
    Laughter
          Before
              and After
    Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.
    -I’m tired of waiting up
    I’m fleeting like a daydream
    Catch me, catch me, catch me if you can

    (can’t catch me I’m the fu<king gingerbread man)

    Just another fading fairytale that gave you nightmares once, but your too afraid to forget them now...

    Okay, that's how I read it in my head- not saying it's any better than what you have- just saying; that's the meter I hear and how certain lines sound out to my inner-ear...
    | Posted on 2008-03-11 00:00:00 | by Ceyx | [ Reply to This ]



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