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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If You Think You're Right, You Aredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ettenna Izus
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 11/9/14
    Words: 222
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 610
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1392



    Description:
       I don't claim this as my best work. In fact it's not even finished but I got tired of looking at it stagnate in my "Unfinished" folder. Criticism is welcome.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf You Think You're Right, You Aredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Our conversations wind round and round, snagged and tangled and torn
    Like the thick black vines that grow in that far off place in both distance and time,
    Where balance was obvious and natural and not just an illusion created by too much distance
    From the warbling, quivering products of the failing of earth’s least favorite creature
    (human) who tries to drink the whole ocean, and step on all the ground.

    We wallow deep down in politics, pointing out that peculiar red star
    on warm nights before we realized it was only mars,
    and springboard up and away from the damp grass that tickles our backs,
    out into the possibilities of life-forms, so vast and unknowable,
    droning softly to us through the benevolent wind, order, chaos, order, chaos…

    Like God would if he were a sensible god,
    who we would hate if he was available for hating.
    Instead we hate the believers that hope life into Him,
    like the secretaries that validate important people,
    too stupid to know how contrived He is, the same way language is,
    So we guess banishing God that way,
    would mean banishing the words we use to banish It.
    It would mean banishing this poem.
    If you get too technical
    any

    argument falls



    apart.




    Submitted on 2008-03-11 23:16:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      keep the swamp.
    keep the peculiar sun, too...just make sure it's pale and small and far away.

    oh, don't i suck at critiques?!
    | Posted on 2008-03-16 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
      seemed a bit wordy to me. i think you wander about the page a bit to much. and what was the ending all about? teeheee god teehee. so cliché!! well i think you've got the words to do great things but their just in the wrong order. but hey that's just me.
    | Posted on 2008-03-12 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]


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