[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: If You Think You're Right, You Aredots

    Author: Ettenna Izus
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 11/9/14
    Words: 222
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 610
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1392

       I don't claim this as my best work. In fact it's not even finished but I got tired of looking at it stagnate in my "Unfinished" folder. Criticism is welcome.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf You Think You're Right, You Aredots

    Our conversations wind round and round, snagged and tangled and torn
    Like the thick black vines that grow in that far off place in both distance and time,
    Where balance was obvious and natural and not just an illusion created by too much distance
    From the warbling, quivering products of the failing of earth’s least favorite creature
    (human) who tries to drink the whole ocean, and step on all the ground.

    We wallow deep down in politics, pointing out that peculiar red star
    on warm nights before we realized it was only mars,
    and springboard up and away from the damp grass that tickles our backs,
    out into the possibilities of life-forms, so vast and unknowable,
    droning softly to us through the benevolent wind, order, chaos, order, chaos…

    Like God would if he were a sensible god,
    who we would hate if he was available for hating.
    Instead we hate the believers that hope life into Him,
    like the secretaries that validate important people,
    too stupid to know how contrived He is, the same way language is,
    So we guess banishing God that way,
    would mean banishing the words we use to banish It.
    It would mean banishing this poem.
    If you get too technical

    argument falls


    Submitted on 2008-03-11 23:16:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      keep the swamp.
    keep the peculiar sun, too...just make sure it's pale and small and far away.

    oh, don't i suck at critiques?!
    | Posted on 2008-03-16 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
      seemed a bit wordy to me. i think you wander about the page a bit to much. and what was the ending all about? teeheee god teehee. so cliché!! well i think you've got the words to do great things but their just in the wrong order. but hey that's just me.
    | Posted on 2008-03-12 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Love written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Etiquette written by saartha
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]