[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Searchdots

    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 212
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 404
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1477


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Searchdots

    She hides I seek,
    She jumps and shocks me,
    She's new to me yes,
    But blest we are,
    To have a fine fresh start
    To atest to the art,
    Of love, but just know
    No I never get,
    Side tracked, not for show,
    It's just my Ettiquitte,
    It's best to get humilated,
    And get the kiss,
    Then appear stuck up,
    And make a hit and miss,
    Or swing- whatever you
    Wanna call it,
    The New Strategy,
    Whatever don't appaul it,
    "Sensitive" is in,
    So release the shell,
    Your not a turtle anymore,
    Or at least now oh well..
    When you find her heart,
    Learn the double helix,
    Great- make fast break,
    After you steal it,
    Cause who knows-- hey
    You may never find a girl like this,
    It's hard work searching
    In a world like this,
    You find the right one,
    She's a snow flake,
    No two a like, hold on,
    For both sakes,
    Of you and her
    Because love is battle field,
    It's better to share those scars,
    That are real,
    Then to keep them inside
    Until peek-a-boo
    It's known that lover hurt ,
    Is lethal too,
    SO make sure it's real,
    Sure not to too much teeter,
    Steps are included,
    In :"Dear Reader"

    Submitted on 2008-03-12 08:12:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I don't entirely agree with Twilight here. Yes, the piece was choppy and rapid. In my mind though that seemed to come off as a strength. It was apropriate to what was being expressed.

    The referrence to Pikachu seemed out of place a little bit here though. That aspect seems a little ambiguous for me, I'm afraid.

    Overall, the rhythm of it worked my mind and grabbed my attention. It challenged me to put the pieces together and draw from the well of the writter's experience.
    | Posted on 2008-03-13 00:00:00 | by thepowerglider | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems to ramble, and it's a bit choppy, try to smooth out your phrases a bit more. Also... I think that if you chose words to relate a bit more to the main idea, it would help. When I read it, it felt like you were forcing your words... Again, just let it flow!
    | Posted on 2008-03-12 00:00:00 | by Twilight527 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Are not cheap (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    The Azores written by poetotoe
    True Death written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cover written by saartha
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Carry written by saartha
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]