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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Searchdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 212
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 391
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1477



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Searchdots
    -------------------------------------------



    She hides I seek,
    Peek-a-boo
    She jumps and shocks me,
    Pikachu,
    She's new to me yes,
    But blest we are,
    To have a fine fresh start
    To atest to the art,
    Of love, but just know
    No I never get,
    Side tracked, not for show,
    It's just my Ettiquitte,
    It's best to get humilated,
    And get the kiss,
    Then appear stuck up,
    And make a hit and miss,
    Or swing- whatever you
    Wanna call it,
    The New Strategy,
    Whatever don't appaul it,
    "Sensitive" is in,
    So release the shell,
    Your not a turtle anymore,
    Or at least now oh well..
    When you find her heart,
    Learn the double helix,
    Great- make fast break,
    After you steal it,
    Cause who knows-- hey
    You may never find a girl like this,
    It's hard work searching
    In a world like this,
    You find the right one,
    She's a snow flake,
    No two a like, hold on,
    For both sakes,
    Of you and her
    Because love is battle field,
    It's better to share those scars,
    That are real,
    Then to keep them inside
    Until peek-a-boo
    It's known that lover hurt ,
    Is lethal too,
    SO make sure it's real,
    Sure not to too much teeter,
    Steps are included,
    In :"Dear Reader"




    Submitted on 2008-03-12 08:12:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't entirely agree with Twilight here. Yes, the piece was choppy and rapid. In my mind though that seemed to come off as a strength. It was apropriate to what was being expressed.

    The referrence to Pikachu seemed out of place a little bit here though. That aspect seems a little ambiguous for me, I'm afraid.

    Overall, the rhythm of it worked my mind and grabbed my attention. It challenged me to put the pieces together and draw from the well of the writter's experience.
    | Posted on 2008-03-13 00:00:00 | by thepowerglider | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems to ramble, and it's a bit choppy, try to smooth out your phrases a bit more. Also... I think that if you chose words to relate a bit more to the main idea, it would help. When I read it, it felt like you were forcing your words... Again, just let it flow!
    | Posted on 2008-03-12 00:00:00 | by Twilight527 | [ Reply to This ]


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