First off- can I just say; I HATE S.O.B.... Hahaha, I find her pretentious... Sorry, but it's true. I thought so four years ago and I still think so today...
"Because the moment wasn’t spelled correctly..." I LOVE that line... Even though I respect a submission more if it's all spelled correctly. I understand what you're saying...
I can't spell worth $hit! But it takes a total of 6 seconds to run your post through a spell-checker- you know? But then, you are self-admittedly lazy as all get out... Hahaha!
You can always trace it back to that ONE moment... And then you rethink and over-analyze... It's not worth the pain- and you can NEVER go back, but still, write on!!!
in my old age, i've seen the light of punctuation (more often than naught unwelcome in freestyle expression, particularly poetry) being, on occasion, a necessary evil. you might immediately refer back to my own work and cry, "aha! hypocrite!" but look around a bit more and even i have grudgingly thrown in a period or a comma or three here and there, where i felt (or where i was told in no uncertain terms) it helped rather than hampered the piece. without punctuation here, you still have a strong piece that says so much and shows even more in three dimensions. i just feel if i knew where you were pausing, where you were taking in a deep shaky breath, maybe rushing the words out and where your voice went quiet with some indescribable emotion that hasn't acquired a meaning in the languages we know ... i feel this would cut and wound me deeper, and then heal me with sympathy hugs and a reservoir of shared throat-clogging agony.
you can't tell, but i'm utterly jealous that you wrote some of these amazing lines and i didn't. how i'd love to take a dip in the pool where you found these floating on the surface of the water, or perhaps had to dive deep down to take back to solid ground. "I'm smiling backwards / Because the moment / Wasn't spelled correctly" - tremendous. "Can't you stare at me a little longer / My eyes / Can't take the color of this floor" - perfection.
it has just come to my attention you've a few typos here and there:
"Can('t) take the color of this floor"
"For way to(o) long"
ultimately i love this and the small patch of life it exists on. so a favorite. thanks for sharing. :)