Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Last Placedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ayane
    ASL Info:    17/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 71/128/60
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 796
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1408



    Description:
       I had a bunch of lyrics smack me in the face while I was taking a shower (of all things to be doing) so I wrote them down before they distrubed me again.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLast Placedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Free Fall
    And I'm not at all
    I don't exist to you
    Oh don't look at me that way
    Stand here
    And you'll see what passes through my eyes
    Hold on...This is far from over

    **Sit back and relax
    I'll put on a show for you tonight
    And you'll never know the difference
    No you'll never know what you missed
    This was all a game
    Let's hear the applause, you won the race
    But my will has all but lost to you
    And I'm standing in last place

    I'm sorry
    Don't know what else to say
    The words are in my mouth
    They all have died and gone away
    Hold on
    Someday we'll make it out alive
    We'll show the world...But until that fateful day...

    **Sit back and relax
    I'll put on a show for you tonight
    And you'll never know the difference
    No you'll never know what you missed
    This was all a game
    Let's hear the applause, you won the race
    But my will has all but lost to you
    And I'm standing in last place

    Put on my mask and paint a smile
    Can you see the tear streaks?
    O little star, o little star
    What the hell are you now?

    I'm still standing in last place...




    Submitted on 2008-03-12 20:56:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I will tell you something i've never told anyone on here, and that is that you have very true, but still a bit raw, talent. The metaphors were beautifully executed, and the rhymes were flawless, and unforced. As long as you keep at it, the timing will be a bit more consistent, and you'll be among the very elite. Favorited for sure.
    | Posted on 2008-04-05 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this. It was beautifully worded. And I loved the clever analogy and metaphor. I would maybe kill the first line. It just makes me think of Tom Petty. Sorry.
    | Posted on 2008-03-13 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    158932

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Linger written by saartha
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Push written by JanePlane
    To written by SavedDragon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bond written by saartha
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Wavelength written by saartha
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry