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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Last Placedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ayane
    ASL Info:    17/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 71/128/60
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 693
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1408



    Description:
       I had a bunch of lyrics smack me in the face while I was taking a shower (of all things to be doing) so I wrote them down before they distrubed me again.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLast Placedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Free Fall
    And I'm not at all
    I don't exist to you
    Oh don't look at me that way
    Stand here
    And you'll see what passes through my eyes
    Hold on...This is far from over

    **Sit back and relax
    I'll put on a show for you tonight
    And you'll never know the difference
    No you'll never know what you missed
    This was all a game
    Let's hear the applause, you won the race
    But my will has all but lost to you
    And I'm standing in last place

    I'm sorry
    Don't know what else to say
    The words are in my mouth
    They all have died and gone away
    Hold on
    Someday we'll make it out alive
    We'll show the world...But until that fateful day...

    **Sit back and relax
    I'll put on a show for you tonight
    And you'll never know the difference
    No you'll never know what you missed
    This was all a game
    Let's hear the applause, you won the race
    But my will has all but lost to you
    And I'm standing in last place

    Put on my mask and paint a smile
    Can you see the tear streaks?
    O little star, o little star
    What the hell are you now?

    I'm still standing in last place...




    Submitted on 2008-03-12 20:56:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I will tell you something i've never told anyone on here, and that is that you have very true, but still a bit raw, talent. The metaphors were beautifully executed, and the rhymes were flawless, and unforced. As long as you keep at it, the timing will be a bit more consistent, and you'll be among the very elite. Favorited for sure.
    | Posted on 2008-04-05 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this. It was beautifully worded. And I loved the clever analogy and metaphor. I would maybe kill the first line. It just makes me think of Tom Petty. Sorry.
    | Posted on 2008-03-13 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]


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