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    dots Submission Name: You Left Me Here Alonedots

    Author: hawkeye
    ASL Info:    20/Female/Kentucky
    Elite Ratio:    2.47 - 9/18/10
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1019
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 768


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    dotsYou Left Me Here Alonedots

    I stand here in the rain
    Looking up at the black sky
    I feel so much pain
    I just want to die

    You left me here alone
    To face my nightmare
    on my own

    You say your happy
    I don't see why
    when your with me
    you seem distant

    Is it something I said
    Is it something I've done
    I don't know

    I look in your eyes
    searching for an answer
    but the answer is not there

    If you do love me
    then why do you seem so sad
    Do I make you feel that way

    I love you
    this I hope you never forget
    for you make me complete
    even though....

    You left me here alone

    Submitted on 2008-03-13 12:26:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ok, I liked the fact that this did openly convey the sadness, sorrow, and isolaton it did. However, the first stanza, with it's neat rhyme scheme, leaves one disoriented as they move onto the rest of the poem (a solid write also) only to find none of it rhyming. Also, I feel that with liberal use of a thesaurus, to exchange some words out for other, more expressives words, this could be greatly improved.
    | Posted on 2008-03-13 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]

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