Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: new friendsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: deadlydarkdevil
    Elite Ratio:    5.35 - 241/173/40
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 119
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 885



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsnew friendsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can make all kinds of excuses
    But it won’t help you to understand
    That the last thing I want is to hurt
    You, with my words and who I am

    And each time I see you, you’re smiling
    At me almost as if I exist
    For you outside obligation
    It’s that look I find hard to resist

    But I always somehow offend you
    Do something rude or hurtful or
    Mean. I can’t ask you to forgive me
    So then I loathe myself even more

    Don’t know what you see within me
    Something good or you wouldn’t persist
    Though my instincts scream out in protest
    It’s your look I find hard to resist

    And I want to trust in this new hope
    That perhaps you are what you appear
    And just maybe there’s something in me
    Worth your friendship, which to me is dear




    Submitted on 2008-03-14 01:49:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i think this is written really well ...but the lines are off...you don't complete a sentence and you bring the word down to the next line which makes it have pauses in weird spots...like in the first stanza you bring down the word you...why not just leave it up with the rest of the sentence..agian in the third stanza...you do it with the word me...and in the fourth stanza...i think it would work better if you made that two lines...same with the last line in the second stanza...if it were me i'd just put that completly seperate just to add emphasis...and the only part i didnt like ...is the last few words...it just didnt sount right...but besides that i enjoyed it...but these are just suggestions...either way its a nice piece and i enjoyed it...purps
    | Posted on 2008-03-14 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.