Description: I'm being abstract though Ezra Pound and Mary Oliver say that I shouldn't (nerd humor). I called her Melancholy because it sounds more like a name than crying or its synonyms. I don't know how to make this evident, but Anger is a verbally abusive father, and Laughter is the mother.
Anger tears the tears of Laughter's daughter
as if they were dry leaves,
but Melancholy's drops
are like fabled earthworms
that reproduce by being cut in two,
and her mother snickers scornfully
at his cruelty and her pain.
...are for those who understand, I think your words explained enough without adding to it. Do you eat cereal with yoghurt and sugar? Plain or fruit flavoured? Why would I need to know? Because your ways are a bit strange to me of course. This is like a diagnosis, in full colour, why? So, I'm saying its well written... Now I'm in a quandary, for explaining what I think of this piece is not half as easy as it probably was for you writing it.
nerds rule! i like the usage of Anger and Melancholy and Laughter as people. have you ever read Ruth Gendler's "Book of Qualities"? it is quite brilliant, as she describes different qualities as actual people... like, for instance, Whimsy wears orange socks and dances in the moonlight type of thing. i have a poem "call me melancholy" that i thought of when i read this. your second-to-last line, "her mother snickers scornfully" his me funny until i realized that she is Laughter! this is very good, very unique.
- mythical implies something that is perhaps more akin to leprachauns or unicorns. perhaps say "magical" instead?
i get that the for every tear she cries, there is another - the way you said it (what with the earthworms) was more somber and branding on my skin, scalded from where Anger's cruelty broke through and where Laughter's insensitivity encouraged the infection to settle in for the winter. excellent write.
I read this one a couple of times over and found it to become clearer with each reading. This seems to be like a description of a state of mind that happens all too often. When anger and laughter combine they cause a nullification of one another and another feeling settles in, one of a numbing melancholy full soft, quiet tears that could shake the very roots of the earth. Loved the last line; it wraps up the poem vert nicely. Nice work, very moving in a subtle and quiet way.
there was no need to change it. I liked it as it was and it worked cause most people believe in it. but I also like the changed lines. it's up to you now what you like more. I like both and both work very well.
This is really hard to decipher. That is, who is related to who how and who's he and she. I understand it's abstract, and the abstract images are good ones. The image of Anger thrashing out against the ironic tears of Laughter's offspring as if they were dried leaves is great. But "Laughter's daughter" makes me say "huh?". Tearing dried-leaf tears was cool.
The last line really threw me off. I was expecting Melancholy to be a girl, but you say "his cruelty". I don't no. It is very abstract. And very provocative.
this takes a few reads to get it fully making sense and i like that! this is heaps different from your usual writes and i like that too! i like the image of tearing tears like dried leaves. i honestly dont know how you manage to think all these things up! your amazing like that! anyways this is very good and i think the last line is so well captured coz it often seems to be the case (or sure was in my house) when everyone's at war and mum's just standing there prolly unsure who's side shes sposed to be on so she just dont take any. but yeah... good write!
this not not like your other stuff. you have to read it a few times to really understand it. you can't make two earthworms by splitting one. only the part with the head survives. but your image works nevertheless cause most people think that both parts survive. I like this poem, there are really good images in it, but it's a bit confusing for the first read.
Hmmm. This might be better without the description. Maybe not. I know what you meant by the earthworms, only because of the description. Many may not know that earthworms are hermaphrodites, so if you go with the description, maybe include that? Anyway, it is quite different from yeterdays poems, but interesting. I can say I don't see myself in this one though, thankfuly. Have a good Wednesday. Dave
Ohhh, this is rather dark.. I opened this thinking it would be a sweet sentiment, but it isn't, is it?
I can't decipher this. I like it, a lot, but can't make sense of it really. I don't see how earthworms can be like teardrops.. the last line leaves me somehow confused, I presume that Laughter is male and Melancholy is female, the daughter?
Not sure about its meaning but I like the choice, the words, I really like the opening line, tears and tears is just smart, chica :D