Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Laughter's Daughterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 40
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 777
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 276



    Description:
       I'm being abstract though Ezra Pound and Mary Oliver say that I shouldn't (nerd humor). I called her Melancholy because it sounds more like a name than crying or its synonyms. I don't know how to make this evident, but Anger is a verbally abusive father, and Laughter is the mother.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLaughter's Daughterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Anger tears the tears of Laughter's daughter
    as if they were dry leaves,
    but Melancholy's drops
    are like fabled earthworms
    that reproduce by being cut in two,
    and her mother snickers scornfully
    at his cruelty and her pain.




    Submitted on 2004-06-30 05:22:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ...are for those who understand, I think your words explained enough without adding to it. Do you eat cereal with yoghurt and sugar? Plain or fruit flavoured? Why would I need to know? Because your ways are a bit strange to me of course. This is like a diagnosis, in full colour, why? So, I'm saying its well written... Now I'm in a quandary, for explaining what I think of this piece is not half as easy as it probably was for you writing it.
    | Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      nerds rule! i like the usage of Anger and Melancholy and Laughter as people. have you ever read Ruth Gendler's "Book of Qualities"? it is quite brilliant, as she describes different qualities as actual people... like, for instance, Whimsy wears orange socks and dances in the moonlight type of thing. i have a poem "call me melancholy" that i thought of when i read this. your second-to-last line, "her mother snickers scornfully" his me funny until i realized that she is Laughter! this is very good, very unique.
    | Posted on 2004-06-30 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Are like mythical earthworms

    - mythical implies something that is perhaps more akin to leprachauns or unicorns. perhaps say "magical" instead?

    i get that the for every tear she cries, there is another - the way you said it (what with the earthworms) was more somber and branding on my skin, scalded from where Anger's cruelty broke through and where Laughter's insensitivity encouraged the infection to settle in for the winter. excellent write.

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-06-30 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this one a couple of times over and found it to become clearer with each reading. This seems to be like a description of a state of mind that happens all too often. When anger and laughter combine they cause a nullification of one another and another feeling settles in, one of a numbing melancholy full soft, quiet tears that could shake the very roots of the earth. Loved the last line; it wraps up the poem vert nicely. Nice work, very moving in a subtle and quiet way.
    | Posted on 2004-06-30 00:00:00 | by Memphis | [ Reply to This ]
      there was no need to change it. I liked it as it was and it worked cause most people believe in it. but I also like the changed lines. it's up to you now what you like more. I like both and both work very well.
    | Posted on 2004-06-30 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really hard to decipher. That is, who is related to who how and who's he and she. I understand it's abstract, and the abstract images are good ones. The image of Anger thrashing out against the ironic tears of Laughter's offspring as if they were dried leaves is great. But "Laughter's daughter" makes me say "huh?". Tearing dried-leaf tears was cool.

    The last line really threw me off. I was expecting Melancholy to be a girl, but you say "his cruelty". I don't no. It is very abstract. And very provocative.
    | Posted on 2004-06-30 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      this takes a few reads to get it fully making sense and i like that! this is heaps different from your usual writes and i like that too! i like the image of tearing tears like dried leaves. i honestly dont know how you manage to think all these things up! your amazing like that! anyways this is very good and i think the last line is so well captured coz it often seems to be the case (or sure was in my house) when everyone's at war and mum's just standing there prolly unsure who's side shes sposed to be on so she just dont take any. but yeah... good write!
    | Posted on 2004-06-30 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this not not like your other stuff. you have to read it a few times to really understand it. you can't make two earthworms by splitting one. only the part with the head survives. but your image works nevertheless cause most people think that both parts survive. I like this poem, there are really good images in it, but it's a bit confusing for the first read.
    | Posted on 2004-06-30 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm. This might be better without the description. Maybe not. I know what you meant by the earthworms, only because of the description.
    Many may not know that earthworms are hermaphrodites, so if you go with the description, maybe include that? Anyway, it is quite different from yeterdays poems, but interesting. I can say I don't see myself in this one though, thankfuly.
    Have a good Wednesday.
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-06-30 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Ohhh, this is rather dark.. I opened this thinking it would be a sweet sentiment, but it isn't, is it?

    I can't decipher this. I like it, a lot, but can't make sense of it really. I don't see how earthworms can be like teardrops.. the last line leaves me somehow confused, I presume that Laughter is male and Melancholy is female, the daughter?

    Not sure about its meaning but I like the choice, the words, I really like the opening line, tears and tears is just smart, chica :D
    | Posted on 2004-06-30 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    15898

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cover written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Love written by saartha
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Carry written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry