to engineer fate: by Someones Epiphany

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Submission Name: to engineer fate: dots

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Author:	Someones Epiphany
Elite Ratio:	8 - 4197/1953/140
Words:	64

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	214
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	576

Description:
its almost been 5 months since ive been anywhere near the submission page on this site. nothing very stellar going on here but it feels good to be thinking in stanzas once more

to engineer fate: dots

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it was so for a season-
a happiness not worth keeping,
we burnt ourselves
at the stake to keep warm

     a poor attempt
     to engineer fate

it was so for a season-
never quite the victim,
we nailed our hearts
to doors of shame

     an exploration of self
     [doubt by another name]

even time has a breaking point...

Submitted on 2008-03-14 15:25:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  this is something like engineering fate in a literal literary way:

i will attempt to graps something from nothing and shape it -then the desired outcome would be to write a comment with some sense....

hehe

i hope by now you're used to my odd sense of humor...

but in all seriousness now.

the simplicity of the verb and idea combination 'to engineer fate' is brilliant and tickles the mental ear for some distinct reason and to see it applied in the piece just makes it ring all the more.

doubt, by any other name would still taste as bitter and the feeling of regret as sweeter. love that part of the piece you know.

there are hints as well of the passage of time. the seasons and the final thought, which scientifically, is actually quite possible even time itself will run down. by the time that happens (love the pun here) i imagine the last few atoms, ceasing to orbit the nucleons and from that point in time, will implode on itself and god will say "let there be light" again.

but the thought of one of the universe's most powerful force (time) being undone by itself is an ironic supernova and big-bang-like-realization... kinda tangented off there..

anyway, solid way to end the piece, and very striking imagery!

p.s.

this is why its good to be back!
| Posted on 2008-09-19 00:00:00 | by Pietro | [ Reply to This ]
  Seasons of happiness may be inordinate
as looking through the glass of time
there are moments of insatiate
as ego brews its pickle in brine.

Alas, at last in that moment come
the sleeping sprite awakes to echo
time's ever pealing drum
beating cadence to a past's infecto.

Yet,in the lyrics known only to self
who's to blame for laying road
between the abyss and cleft
leaving out bridge to answer the goad.

(these are my thoughts as I read "to engineer fate." Thanks for the read.)
| Posted on 2008-07-30 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]


I didn't know I was killing time until it was over. Then looking back I could see that I was always dragging my feet. Perhaps she deserved better then that or perhaps we were both just entertaining ourselves with a "B" movie on lazy afternoon. I felt time passing between my fingers - something your not supposed to do. When it's real there isn't enough time for two.

I like the refrain. Your work toys with form in this casual but elegant way. It's almost as if, if you set your heart to it, you would invent a new form we would all be using for the next thousand years. Wink.

I also like the fourth stanza's play on words. I love the little clever things you do. You are so much more acute at those things then I am.

Well, I see the poem as talking about personal relationships. But if you step back it also speaks about committing to a bad choice shortsightedly or for short term gain without realizing it was self destructive. You aren't really a victim in that sense since you made the choice on your own. You can try to ride it out or realize that time has a breaking point too and cut your loses.

I've been guilty of both interpretations. Now that I think of it... perhaps I've always been killing time...

Just a thought.

Feels good to review again - thanks for making get off my reviewing ass.

Marco
| Posted on 2008-06-09 00:00:00 | by Car va g o | [ Reply to This ]
  "Sad preacher nailed upon the coloured door of time;
Insane teacher be there reminded of the rhyme.
There'll be no mutant enemy we shall certify;
Political ends, as sad remains, will die.
Reach out as forward tastes begin to enter you.
Ooh, ooh.

I listened hard but could not see
Life tempo change out and inside me.
The preacher trained in all to lose his name;
The teacher travels, asking to be shown the same.
In the end, we'll agree, we'll accept, we'll immortalise
That the truth of the man maturing in his eyes,
All complete in the sight of seeds of life with you.

Coming quickly to terms of all expression laid,
As a moment regained and regarded both the same,
Emotion revealed as the ocean maid,
A clearer future, morning, evening, nights with you."

-III. The Preacher, the Teacher from "And You and I" by YES
------------

I really had no idea what to say. But when I saw the "nailed our hearts to the doors of shame" line, it just made me think of lyrics from the song "And You and I". Don't yell at me. Words escape me today.

| Posted on 2008-05-08 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
  i was fascinated by this title yesterday when i read it! i see someone at a drafting table drafting plans for something, that doesn't quite turn out as intended, but they draw nonetheless. this was striking to me......."it was so for a season-
a happiness not worth keeping"....not sure words can accurately describe how this made me feel but was awakening to say the least. and this part really hit home with me...
"we nailed our hearts
to doors of shame".....doors of shame? how awesome of a picture painted by words, very well defined here. and "a poor attemt to engineer fate"....i think every line of this short but deeply driven write...is complete. i see no need for any suggestions or corrections, it's perfect the way it is, great work
| Posted on 2008-04-08 00:00:00 | by scissorhands | [ Reply to This ]
  it was so for a season-
a happiness not worth keeping,
we burnt ourselves
at the stake to keep warm

this fit me. love can become necessity, a shadow into which we throw various bodies in the hopes that they'll fill it, that they'll fit, and that the shadow will become corporeal, and we won't sleep alone.

that's how i felt this one went. We destroy ourselves, insisting, needing, not willing or able to accept what we should have known.

a poor attempt
to engineer fate

This to me fit with the above. the inset made a nice aside of it. we should have known this wouldn't work. "we did. we just didn't face it."

it was so for a season-
never quite the victim,
we nailed our hearts
to doors of shame

Here I lost myself, because what I'd felt as the peice could not accept "we nailed our hearts TO THE DOORS OF SHAME" (caps just because i can't underline in here, no yelling :-)

the doors of shame? we trapped ourselves to this unhappiness? that I can see perhaps . . . I think this needs, as the first paragraph's closing did, a Why. Why nail our hearts? It was the only door we could reach. that would complete it, but I don't know how we can say that. or perhaps not reach, it was the only door we'd ever known.

an exploration of self
[doubt by another name]

This i liked, however it was vastly different in character from the previous inset, and that bothered me, as parallel punctuation without parallel intent seems out of place.

even time has a breaking point...

and the closing statement also didn't quite reach the intensity and concise nature of the first paragraph to me.

But enough criticism. I have had a crazy year, as you said to me so long ago in your comment. I can't even recall ify ou mean this year or last year. But Yes. Sometime I'll send you a long message about them. But for now, I'm going to sleep, and dream about someone far away.

G'night Jaydee
| Posted on 2008-04-02 00:00:00 | by AptPupilofLife2 | [ Reply to This ]
  Your thoughts are poetic. I wanna think like you!
| Posted on 2008-03-25 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm on a candy trip even though I am not eating any candy. Ever know what that is like? Sometimes I wish I had a power to make my left pocket produce a Reeces Peanut Butter Cup.

Yeah I can tell that by now you know that I know not what it is you write about and am just going to say it was a lovely poem.

And there is a reason why I explored it enough to be able to say about it what I just did say about it.

Because no one has yet been able to produce a perfect Reeces Peanut Butter Cup from their pocket at will.

| Posted on 2008-03-21 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  i like the departure from the rest of the poem which the last line implies.

like changing a channel on the tv at a serendipitous moment when one announcer in midsentence finishes the previous announcer's statement.

if you get my meaning.

i might try this tactic at some point in my own posts if i work up enough courage...

if that's okay with you.

| Posted on 2008-03-17 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
  Wife - yes Alia's my girlfriend but you're still my wife... we have a kid remember - I missed your writing. I'm glad that you finally posted something. As you know, my not-so-chosen-but-yes-it's-there lifestyle permits me to have a strong measure of sentiment for this piece. Sometimes, we content ourselves with what the world gives us even though we can take a lot more. That's just sad 'cause sometimes, his hair looks softer than ever and you just want to run your fingers through it but you wouldn't want people to notice. And when you finally get the courage to do so, he decides to shave off his hair and you end up rubbing the baldness. And still... and still... you take that. You take that and you wait for his hair along with your shame to grow back.

So, allow me to tell you that I love you. And yes, nice piece.
| Posted on 2008-03-16 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
  it was so for a season-
a happiness not worth keeping,
we burnt ourselves
at the stake to keep warm

a poor attempt
to engineer fate

it was so for a season-
never quite the victim,
we nailed our hearts
to doors of shame

an exploration of self
[doubt by another name]

even time has a breaking point...

Perhaps it's just me, but I sense an impact in the final line that is only enhanced by not referencing timepieces earlier in the work to telegraph an ending that seems perfectly suited as it is. And nailng oneself to a doorpost of shame also seems in keeping to the image of burning hopes/desires at the stake trying to transform an impermanence into permanence. Although it is doubtful you intended such an analogy, the Old Testament image of a freed slave driving an instrument through their earlobe as they placed themselves against a doorframe to declare that they had no intention of leaving a former master's care was the first image this write evoked.

Now I hope my babble hasn't given you a migraine. Vey nicely done (and about time).

Bill
| Posted on 2008-03-15 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  every time i see something new of yours, you're like this tree that has suddenly grown since last i looked, more beautiful for its recent complexities. i'll admit, i can no longer write with such brevity, caught up in all the words i haven't said in over two years but want so badly to come out and blot dry the wet emotions spilling out of my head and onto the floor. so excuse my jealousy for managing to keep this short but still making an impact.

the one nitpick? the last line: "even time have a breaking point..." - it feels like that "have" should be "has", but don't take my word for it, my sense of grammar is pretty terrible. it just niggles. perhaps someone else will wander through and give you a better explanation than a niggle.

gorgeous, girl. thanks for sharing. :)

grace
| Posted on 2008-03-14 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]

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