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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: An Extra-Special Poemdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cora Windover
    ASL Info:    1,292/it/Radiant Garden
    Elite Ratio:    4.16 - 862/761/201
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 140
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1033



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAn Extra-Special Poemdots
    -------------------------------------------


    this is an extra-special poem
    it's for the one i love
    i bet you've heard a lot of love poems,
    but this one is the best poem of them all...

    because, you see,
    when i wrote it -
    i wrote it with you in mind.
    i mean,
    you're always on my mind, but now
    i'm telling you specifically
    this poem was meant for you, from me.

    i may write a thousand words a day,
    maybe everybody feels this way,
    but this poem is extra-special flavored
    tasty whether gulped or savored,

    and that's because it's written just for you,
    you,
    you.

    this is an extra-special poem,
    i hope you like it,
    even though there's not much to it
    but i thought of you while writing it
    and that's what means the most

    because it's you, you, you.

    i hope you like the words i write
    for every single one of them is true.




    Submitted on 2008-03-14 22:39:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Looks like somebody means the world to you. This person is omnipresent in your world by always lingering in your thoughts. This is impeccable situation of following in love. Every relationship starts with thoughts. Your poem is simple but conveys strong feelings.
    | Posted on 2008-03-16 00:00:00 | by Ramneet | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it.Going to my favs.5stars.So simple and yes it is the thought that counts.Good for you!
    | Posted on 2008-03-15 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't really think of much to say about this poem other than it seems rather disorganized and tangential.

    "i wrote it with you in mind.
    i mean,
    you're always on my mind, but now
    i'm telling you specifically
    this poem was meant for you, from me."

    That particular line doesn't sound so much poetic, but more, rather, like a conversation. The image I get when I read these lines is that of two teenagers standing sheepishly near each other and one or the other is bumbling nervously away trying to set disclaimers on a poem that they've just handed to another. Perhaps this is the image you wanted to create, but for the message you're trying to set across, it's really a rather silly image that contradicts the mood.

    "i hope you like the words i write
    for every single one of them is true."

    What this line does is basically invites the reader to look over the poem again because it strikes up the question, "what words?" in the reader's mind. The only problem is, you only once said something other than "this poem is for you." At the beginning, you tell us that the poem is written for the one the narrator of the poem loves, yet the poem seems to rather tangentially repeat that "this poem is for you." While repetition can help get a point across, in this case, you've smashed the point just a little too far and it's left me thinking, "... what else?"
    | Posted on 2008-03-15 00:00:00 | by Stygian | [ Reply to This ]



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