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    dots Submission Name: Carissa's Song (Before the Planet Fell)dots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 228
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 723
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1579

       ~prequel to 'Six Characters in Search of Exposition'~

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCarissa's Song (Before the Planet Fell)dots

    My best friend
    Is a teetotaling

    My best alcoholic
    Is a teetotaling

    I wouldn’t mean it
    If I didn’t say it

    Why do the words
    Keep dancing
    Why do the words
    Keep dancing
    Why do the words
    Keep dancing
    In my head?

    When I was thirteen
    I saw my father naked
    Shouting that neighbors
    Were a gift of God
    That would be shot in the ass
    If they came too close

    (That’s why their wounds
    Were never fatal
    When his rifle demanded
    A sacrifice)

    Is it true the Chinese
    Have John Wayne’s eyes
    And they stir fry seafood
    And rule the earth?

    Will they bring me roses?
    Probably not

    I wish my best friend
    Would leave my head
    And we could bake
    Bread and lie in the sun

    My brother did once
    Before he was born
    And Mom smiled with him
    And Dad laughed alone

    I think we should build
    Soup kitchens in hell
    So the damned can say grace
    For every damned meal

    Why are the colors
    Why are the colors
    Why are the colors
    In a pool
    Above my head?

    Submitted on 2008-03-16 15:45:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    So many things this reminds me of. Nirvana and The (late great) Dismemberment Plan, the way it seems half spoken, half sung, lyrical and buoyant, floating along the water line.

    The bit about the Chinese ruling the earth reminds me of Cordwainer Smith. (and the parenthetic title, too).

    I clicked on it because the title reminded me of Carissa's Wierd.

    It's rather nostalgic for a prequel to something I haven't read. Like spiderwebs through my head leading to shared rememories. I'll have to read the rest now.
    | Posted on 2008-07-26 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for letting us peer into your mind. And I'm thinking that you wrote exactly what was there. Something the left brain remembered spoken like a grown up and then the child listening to the dance and colors.

    The beginning I loved. And the poem really is cohesive when you consider the tone you've set by these words, friend, alcoholic,
    teetotaling, and how you turn the phrase inside out. So it's a good way to lead us into the garden path of your memories.

    But it's the child and the right mind that is the grounding point, so it turns the whole thing upside down. And yet it's true to the way a poet can paint a image in the minds of his readers.

    | Posted on 2008-06-02 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      You know what is so weird about this... they could be walking thoughts... (at least that is what I call them). Kinda like you start out with a thought, and reverse it a bit, and it leads from one thing to the next, bounces around to come back again, goes somewhere else... becomes a song to sing.

    as well, the alcoholic reference is interesting, as all the other stanzas kinda seem like a back ground story in a way; childhood, god, sacrifice, doubt, silly stories to believe in, dreams, reality, grace. All those things one might look at. hmmm

    as always, you make me think in a few different places all at once. And why are the colors dancing??
    | Posted on 2008-03-17 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      Bill, i dont have time to write a comprehensive comment or even a worthy one for that matter, but let me say this, i really love this piece. i think its very different from what you normally write. the rhyme is awesome. it was fun to read and to contemplate.
    perhaps i can find the time to write....
    | Posted on 2008-03-17 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      oh, and i forgot...in-f**king-credible work!!!
    | Posted on 2008-03-16 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
      mmmm...a yummy little bedtime snack.

    i might have bitten off more than i can chew, though.

    the dancing is just a trick of the light.

    it has to do with refraction.

    don't let it fool you.

    a hanged man will perform the same gyrations under the same conditions.
    | Posted on 2008-03-16 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
      After reading it, it seems like an explosion has taken place, and you think about how the poem talks about things you don't understand or know and makes sense. It could be better. But everything could. But most honestly, this is beautiful......"Why do the words keep dancing, why do the words keep dancing, why do the words keep dancing, softly in my head?"
    why are the colors dancing, why are the colors dancing, why are the colors dancing in a pool above my head?")
    | Posted on 2008-03-16 00:00:00 | by dancer-of-words | [ Reply to This ]

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