hmmmm this seems to me to be old news. Yes? Yes.
Well until recently I haven't thought about it much, my body is my body, and as long as I'm not concerned about it, why should anyone else be right?
Well, apparently thats just not the case. I had a penpal, who just happened to be from Eureka....not much of a penpal but he was funny so I talked to him, least to say when I found out he was 29 I was like eh its no biggie, when I found out he was from Eureka I was a little ify, but he was entertaining. But a few days ago I got an email, he didn't want to talk to me anymore, so I'm like umm okay bye bye, he got sorta pissed. I got another email calling me pretentious and arrogant, and FAT, yes he called me a butterball, a little fat butterball, and i was like uhhhh okay then. I replied to him in a very educated manner, basically asking what the fuck. Then I got yet another email, this one called me bitter and again fat, and a lot of other things. So I sat and thought about it for a second. The social construct of beauty, the personal desires, and the self. I looked at myself completely naked in our mirror,and I without thinking I smiled. I like what I see, I like every inch of my body. And I dont give a fuck what anyone else thinks. I'm not skinny nor do I want to be. I'm not what you see in a movie or what anyone else wants me to be. But hell my body fits my personality. I love everyone and theres a lot here to give that love, and I'm jolly. I'm not afraid to say it. I'm big, and I dont give a shit. Yea if I loose weight thats cool, but I'm not going to go aim to loose weight I'm happy with what I look like now, change is going to happen its the Way, but I like the now, and I'll like the future.
Why am I posting this. Because well I want everyone to know that it just doesn't matter. I see so many girls at least three times smaller then me saying that they dont like themselves, and it makes me sad. Because we all suck if you're using a movie star or model as a comparison, and yea we've all heard it, we all know we should love ourselves, but hey do any of us really do it? I can say yes, because I do love myself, my body, my personality, my sexuality, my race everything that creates this worldly self I love, because its not about whats here, its about that ancient essance, whether soul or not, this is my home for right now. And I might as well love it. This flesh does so much for me, and for everyone else, so I'll adorn it with tatoos and priecings, I'll feed whatever I want, and I'll look at it with love, and with the trust that it is not me, it is just a temporary home.
I'm going to love every second in this flesh and if you dont like it, well frankly I dont give a fuck.
As Xander once told me, You are beautiful not for the flesh, but for the soul that molds this flesh, and burns with the desire of Heavan.