1.
Sound travels in two directions.
The trees cannot listen.
They do not have ears.
Or we have not yet discovered that
they do.
I am relieved because we
sat beneath this tree,
dropped our leaves and
stood naked.
I took your hand into my mouth
and told you these things-
I.
Dark
is attracted to
corners.
Filled
by inch
as night grows.
Would I see you glow then?
Does the body make its own light?
II.
Winter never rises.
He sleeps and yet the robin calls spring
forward and I am
satisfied.
The seasons alter.
And I am
satisfied.
III.
Light moves cross country.
Ah light-
Vertical down the Mississippi.
2.
And the moon- she was a tiny, tiny, slice.
A silver sliver of a slice. Such
swaying moonlight stroked
our limbs and I wanted
just this-
Your hand on a shadow's rim.
Ah light.
My greatest failure would be to find myself
without you so
I stay long
hours sitting in
the sitting
room.
Ah light.
The lamp-light is bright
and it burns me.
3.
I am sentimental but severe.
Deciding decidedly-
The world is large.
4.
When will we write worth?
What will we write
it?
Will we wake and watch the water wet the window frame?
Will we stay and sleep beside it?
Meet water-
be-friend him and his miniature
eruptions.
5.
Our kitchen soaked in soap.
Curving
to the floor he
bends and leans backwards
for the blue broom
handle.
How did
my love come to
know this reverse
world?
He is precious and I wish to protect him.
But
I am in need now and
I am near so
nourish me and look
at all I have misplaced.
Really smoking ending!! Soo many good lines... hmm... I like this adam and eve thing...
"I am relieved because we
sat beneath this tree,
dropped our leaves and
stood naked."
Oh and...
"Deciding decidedly-
The world is large."
Playing with words is fun... and good! It shows you're expanding, becoming more creative.y expressive with your constructions of them. Don't let anyone hack you down to the point where you stop playing!
This poem is the most interesting "love" poem I've read in a long time. I generally pass them over, but I felt compelled to read this one a few times. Good job :)
This is an interesting jumble of poeteccentricity. You have moments of alluring alliteration criss crossing with simplistic yet illuminating observations. The styles like the mini-topics seem to change line to line, yet they never feel out of place or herky jerky. Almost like a river may switch from rapids to placid, eddies to waterfalls in just a mile or two.
I wanted to comment on this piece because I really liked it, yet don't totally understand why just yet. Honestly, I haven't been able to fully absorb all of it, and my hectic environment is not helping. So I figure, comment and it will be easier to find again later.
"Dark
is attracted to
corners."
Indeed it is, and probably my favorite line upon first couple reads.
This was one of the better ones I have read in awhile. I disagree with Damnedsoon. I like the first stanza. It is an interesting start, it was what dragged me into this. I liked your word usage. Nothing seemed like it wasn't well thought out before you put it in. I think my favorite line is :
"A silver sliver of a slice. Such"
I have stared out at the stars and moon many nights and thought, It is getting so small, it is like it is being eaten by the stars so they can burn brighter and the moon dims just to give itself away. I like this one. I am going to add it to my favorites.
-B.
Submission Name: Ah Light
