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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fire Love Flamedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 23/161/138
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1212
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 886



    Description:
       Bash it, break it, compliment it, relate to it, analyze it. Doesn't matter.


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    dotsFire Love Flamedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The glimpse of a spark
    The flicker of the flame
    The warmth it released
    The killer it became

    The spread of the light
    The overwhelming heat
    The blinding of the smoke
    The ashes at my feet

    The flames burn out
    The scars remain
    The torture ends
    Was the spark to blame?

    Is there flint for another spark?
    Have tinder to rouse the flame?
    Are there logs to keep it burning?
    Will the fire ever be tamed?

    Don't douse the fire
    Please allow the blaze to be
    The little spirits dancing
    May continue taunting me

    The warmth was worth the burn
    Let it do as it must
    I'll confide in it my everything
    And let it betray my trust

    Time and time again
    I want to play with matches




    Submitted on 2008-03-20 04:00:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      well i really like it and i know where this poem comes from...alot of pain...i really think it expresses the way you feel very well and clear. Your poetry has its own style and uniqueness. I really like it and i hope that everything works out.
    | Posted on 2008-03-20 00:00:00 | by InYuco Katan | [ Reply to This ]
      The flow to this piece is pretty damn good. i read it all the way through, smooth as silk, apart from one verse - which i'll get to later. i like things all nice and rhyming and yours fits the bill nicely. it's not forced, it rolls off the tongue or through the mind without effort. the imagery of flames and sparks is clear and concise - no overly detailed description is needed.

    it sounds as if a love affair sparked bright for a while before dying off, only for it to catch your attention again. some relationships aren't healthy; you know you want something from that person and are willing to suffer and prolong the torture simply to get what it is you think you need - love, affection, companionship. it's a dangerous game of emotions as you search for the answers. wounds are inevitiable from such altercations; sometimes they're worth it, sometimes not. tis a balancing act.

    the only niggle i found - which is my own niggle and no one else's - is the following verse:

    Is there flint to spark again?
    Is there tender to rouse the flame?
    Are there logs to keep it burning?
    Can the fire become tamed?


    you make a slight detour from the structure you have established for this piece. the line length is a little longer and the rhyming scheme has stepped up a notch and you have three lines out of the four that now rhyme (not including the previous line from the stanza before which ended with 'blame' also). I don't know, it just doesn't seem to flow as nicely as the rest of the poem. it loses its rhythm somehow. don't get me wrong, tis perfectly fine sounding and there's nothing wrong with it - that's just my opinion.

    also you wrote 'tender' and i wondered if you meant 'tinder'? i'm not sure, though tinder is what you use to begin a fire.

    the rest of this piece is just great. style, choice of words and imagery - sparks are a special thing for me - subject, and how you convey a relationship through the description of fire and flames, ash and smoke, are all competently done and are the work of a writer who knows what he's doing.

    it was a pleasure to read. thanks for sharing.

    Jacoby.

    | Posted on 2008-03-20 00:00:00 | by Jacoby | [ Reply to This ]


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