Last Day by Zai

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Last Day dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Zai
ASL Info:	19/m/Snohomish Washington
Elite Ratio:	5.2 - 35/48/43
Words:	149

Class/Type:	Lyrics/Venting
Total Views:	73
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	965

Description:
I uhm... Dropped out of high school today. And this is what was on my paper by the end of the day.

/sigh.

Last Day dots

-------------------------------------------

I dont know what to say that wont sound complainy.
And distracting from what I've done.
Justify it? Sure, how long do you have?
My season died sometime around in March,
My letters lowered from the first med bill and,
Spirits followed, freedoms constricted.
Then was the most I'd ever had.
6 years of depression.
Aint half bad, but dont tell me I quit early,
God forbid I get what I deserve.
Success so far from sight, round a curve.
Concave; did I move? I concur.
I keep hoping, but I forget what for.
I'm scared I'm alone,
Scared through the bone.
Running away you say?
I ... I wish.
I'm tired now.
Of running, of stressing,
of these expectations,
limitations, frustrations.
I'm done with 'em.
My hands are high to fates fortune,
Maybe it's a good one.

Submitted on 2008-03-20 23:49:18 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
Well, i find it hard that someone able to right this would be struggling in the slightest in High School, but maybe its the emotions or depression drawing you away from your desire to learn and succeed. I very much enjoyed reading this poem, its very inventive, and very unique in terms of form, I love poems that include dialogue and questions, poems where it seems like your talking or arguing with yourself. It really helps to convey the inner struggle. It was a good smooth read, with an intense message behind it. I suggest you go back to high school, and stomach it till its over, but I don't know you, or your struggles, so all I can say is that I hope you have something lined up for yourself right now. Good luck, I have faith that if you are one day able to take the insight in your poetry, and use it to better pick your way through the world around you, you will be able to succeed in your own right.
| Posted on 2008-03-21 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

159261

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]