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Fishing License


Author: LucyDiamond
ASL Info:    17/F/Sky
Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 365 /575 /251
Words: 121
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 744
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 795



Description:




Fishing License



So-and-so called me last night
and said he wanted to start over.
On your mark,
get set,
—go.
Well, somehow,
I don’t think so.

He said it wasn’t him,
he had a bad day—
it’s not how he had wanted to say
‘Goodbye.’
(I wish I could have looked that
in the eye.)
So I asked him,
“When do you plan
on acting like yourself, then?”

The silence that followed
was boring—
it was him, alright.
Nothing kept me on the line—
hook and sinker,
I am out.

Rip yourself out of me
with a yank, without a second thought.
Just wait until you see
the new fish I’ve caught.





Submitted on 2008-03-21 05:27:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I like this, because it's the story of my life. I'm glad it's the story of someone else's life, too, haha. I really enjoyed it though. Dialogue makes poems sound so cool.

So-and-so called me last night
and said he wanted to start over.
On your mark,
get set,
—go.

This was my favorite part. And I'm glad you called him so-and-so. Wonderful.
| Posted on 2008-03-21 00:00:00 | by wovenwords | [ Reply to This ]
  Wonderful. It was a simple read, and the inclusion of personal dialogue made it an entertaining read. You maintained a poetic form, even with the inclusion of quoted lines from a "phone conversation" and all in all it flowed really well. Quite a few sets of rhymes and lines are highly original for me, and really spice it up. A couple examples of what im talking about, are places where you divulge from typical poetic format, to really add some flare:

On your mark,
get set,
—go.

The silence that followed
was boring—
it was him, alright.

Beyond the poetry itself, I really enjoyed the story behind it, and the reference of it compared to fishing.
Really it was a pleasant entertaining read, and I can honestly say I enjoyed the time I spent reading it.

Sorry if this critique bounced around a bit, it took me awhile to figure out what I was trying to say.

| Posted on 2008-03-21 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]


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