self inflicted termial illness by dark figure

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Submission Name: self inflicted termial illness dots

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Author:	dark figure
ASL Info:	17/m/uk
Elite Ratio:	4.19 - 66/74/29
Words:	276

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	955
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1094

Description:
ok first poem for a long time dont rip me another ass hole be gentle please :)

self inflicted termial illness dots

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I would trade death for your touch, your sanctimonious embrace.
The warmth you emit...
I’m tormented like a fly to a flame,
I burn.
The cravings for the delicate, lips silk; like a Persian delicacy.
Waiting for you to pull me from my crypt, drag thy from the shadows
Enveloped with smoke corrupted and betrayed by my sight,
My eyes meet yours.
My flame re-kindled by hope: by false pretence
A pain…
Longing for your affection, for your hand to find mine.
Afflicted day by day i fall deeper into this illness my indulgence,
Questionable sanity.
Obsession to complete me.
Realisms I would die a thousand times for
But this is battle and it takes no prisoners: i fail; be seated the loosing side
But in your words I seek solace my secret garden untainted by sorrow.

I submit my self to you
My Princess of Darkness.

Submitted on 2008-03-21 19:37:24 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  The words you've woven together here clearly cause the reader to feel your feelings vs. just read your feelings. Not all poets can pull that off - that takes talent. I'm always so impressed when a writer can pull their feelings to the surface of my heart.

I love "your sanctimonious embrace". I've searched all my life to describe that. With your permission, it's going to be absorbed into my psyche and will be a part of me and the moments of longing for someone that I know isn't right for me - but I can't stay away. I hate how we don't get to choose who we fall in love with, or how they can treat us like dirt and it doesn't change how we feel.

A real gem to me:

The cravings for the delicate, lips silk; like a Persian delicacy.
Waiting for you to pull me from my crypt, drag thy from the shadows

I can relate to the whole thing. You've captured powerfully how I've felt many times and even recently. I really love the last two lines.

xxLisa

| Posted on 2008-05-31 00:00:00 | by Seagirl | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey honey,

time to give you two new a-holes. you asked for us not to give you one...so i assume you relised that more the merrier. ok ok im done being a dork.

"I would trade death for your touch, your sanctimonious embrace.
The warmth you emit...
I’m tormented like a fly to a flame,
I burn."

That is unquie how you put fly instead of Moth. normally moth is used when talking about being drawn in.
This very descriptive though so thats awesome ^_^ sorry if my comment is lame im sleep deprived.

"The cravings for the delicate, lips silk; like a Persian delicacy."

This part is a bit confusing. also you have used Delicate with delicacy, they both mean the same thing so it kinda clashes with this line.

"the cravings for the delicate lips of silk, like a Persian finary."

or something else..spelled right...
but you see what i mean?

"Waiting for you to pull me from my crypt, drag thy from the shadows."

thyn or something with an N at the end...cause when you say thy here it sounds like your talking about her taking herself out ...unless that i what you ment then im just an idiot. ^__^

"Enveloped with smoke corrupted and betrayed by my sight,
My eyes meet yours.
My flame re-kindled by hope: by false pretence[.]
A pain…
Longing for your affection, for your hand to find mine.
Afflicted[,] day by day i fall deeper into this illness [of] my indulgence,
[My}Questionable sanity.
[this ]Obsession complete[s] me.
Realisms[,] I would die a thousand times for[,]
But this is battle and it takes no prisoners: i fail; be seated the [at the] loosing side[.]
But in your words I seek solace[,] my secret garden untainted by sorrow."

with a few uncomplete sentances and pucnt is baslicly all i saw wrong sorry formy spelling.
this is really well writen and there is so much potential i see in this. wonderful job honey.

all the love and such,
Nikki

| Posted on 2008-03-26 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]
  This is the kind of poem you wanna eat jelly bellies too, ya know?

Your sitting there, crunching down on jelly bellies and listening to that little *squinch squinch* of all that sugar in your teeth. Yeah.

Yeah, this is exactly what you want to read when you are crunching down on jelly bellies.

Thanks for sharing

| Posted on 2008-03-21 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.