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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Electricitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LucyDiamond
    ASL Info:    17/F/Sky
    Elite Ratio:    3.95 - 365/561/240
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 134
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 589



    Description:
       eeeek!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsElectricitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    My eyes see
    electricity
    in the static air

    and it’s about to catch on fire!

    —I know because
    it’s caught my veins already,
    and it’s making

    my neurons twitch and flicker!

    on
    &
    off.

    —Power outage!
    —Power surge!

    The bloody cords
    that plug me into life
    are convulsing

    with the lethal pulsing

    —the fire is rages!
    —I am the star of


    one thousand stages!





    Submitted on 2008-03-23 01:56:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Love the unique layout of this poem. Before I even started reading, the on & off part really caught my eyes. That just sets it up to be "hmm, I think this might be interesting."
    Love the diction too. It gives it a kind of being controlled by something dark and powerful type feel with "veins, twitch, convusling" and such.
    The only problem I have with it is
    "the fire is rages"
    I don't know what you meant to do there, but I think you should take out "is."
    | Posted on 2008-03-27 00:00:00 | by lovedeathsdeath | [ Reply to This ]
      Slightly reminiscent of E.E. Cummings...I like.

    This just burns with energy. It bounces off the walls and explodes in my mind.

    Thanks for shocking me awake. ;)

    Well done, Lucy.
    | Posted on 2008-03-25 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
      Did you really mean "the fire is rages" or "the fire, it rages?"

    I've been on stage before, and I know that once the crowd let's you know that they're into you, it's like your body is no longer yours anymore; like the world has already taken it and has given it all the energy it needs to do be able to do anything.

    Your piece reminds me of that feeling.

    I wish I could say more but, I guess that's all I have.

    Oh, I like the format by the way. It gives that ticking, time-bomb-ish feeling that makes you stick around. The shortness of the lines, I think, are what you have to thank for that.

    It's pretty solid; poetry at one of its oldest forms.
    | Posted on 2008-03-24 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]



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