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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Liardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Broken Halo
    ASL Info:    22/M/ID
    Elite Ratio:    2.84 - 20/44/64
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 178
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 619



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Liardots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rustling leaves ascend with ease
    Uncovering the hardened dirt beneath
    Like words upon lips suddenly
    Revealing the sinister secrets of truth

    Lies told far too long
    Actions ignorantly accepted
    Hopeful eyes blinded
    By the spotlight of perception

    Anguished tears of mistakes
    Reflecting painful realities
    The past carved in stone
    The future forever changed

    Consequences sinking in
    Choking back relentless tears
    Viewing the world behind new eyes
    Unable to recognize; the reflection staring back




    Submitted on 2008-03-23 19:49:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was a good write. Everything flows really well. I liked the ending, too. Short, sweet, conclusive. Very well done.

    I think, though, if you wanted to step this up, you could start experimenting with your words a little more. Phrases like "anguished tears" "painful realities" "relentless tears" etc... are really common, and they make your writing less memorable. I think this could be really great if you did a little bit more playing with your words.

    Keep writing
    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2008-03-25 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]



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