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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I'm right here by Jamii Nesbittdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lolavie
    ASL Info:    23/female/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 70/175/103
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 795
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 945



    Description:
       *sigh*


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'm right here by Jamii Nesbittdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Well I fell apart
    Am I really lost?
    Can you hear my heart?
    Can I have your trust?

    Though I'm not alone
    'cause I have my tears
    and they are my own
    puring out from fear

    the fear of being...
    fear of being alone
    But you're out there too.
    Do you feel it too
    Youre so far away
    from my heart that aches
    I want you near
    I'm right here

    I'm right here
    waiting here fior you
    I know you there
    Do you know it too?
    I'm right here
    staying here for you
    I know you hear
    Can you hear me too?

    Well I fell apart
    Am I really lost?
    Can you hear my heart?
    Can I have your trust?

    Though I'm not alone
    'cause I have my tears
    and they are my own
    puring out from fear




    Submitted on 2008-03-24 04:21:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It seems to me as though you are really trying here, and I can admire and appreciate that. You are off to a great start but maybe you should consider a different style of writing? This particular style makes it sound so simplistic and the poem seems almost forced. I am so sorry to say it, I really dont mean or want to offend you, but I feel as though you need to work on your writing a bit. . There are a couple of typos, as well.
    Just try not to try and find the poem. If it is in you, the poem will come to you.

    xoxo
    | Posted on 2008-03-26 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]


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