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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Loaded Gundots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Broken Halo
    ASL Info:    22/M/ID
    Elite Ratio:    2.84 - 20/44/64
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 176
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 590



    Description:
       None....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLoaded Gundots
    -------------------------------------------


    We crash land,
    Ash highlighted through the sand,
    Besmirching the purity
    Of beauty, that you have planned.

    All alone,
    Passive waves licking at stones
    Filling up the grave silence
    The violence of the crash - shown.

    Now I'm here,
    You're far gone and disappeared
    Stranded with a plan to see
    Can we be, if you're not clear?

    Here's the gun,
    I've loaded it, have your fun
    Each cold bullet I've handpicked
    Trigger clicked, the deed is done




    Submitted on 2008-03-24 17:52:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this piece. It paints a very desciptive picture in my mind. The use of vocabulary in the poem really is common but origianl. Like in the way you wrote it. I ecspecially love the last stanza.

    "Here's the gun,
    I've loaded it, have your fun
    Each cold bullet I've handpicked
    Trigger clicked, the deed is done"

    It was an wondeful pictueresque way to end it. One of my favorites.

    Sorry if I wrote just compliments I just can't find anything to critque you on. and I can't really think of a way to relate.

    SO YOU GET COMPLIMENTS!!! AND OUT POURS OF LOVE!!! ^_^ ^_^

    Cry
    | Posted on 2008-03-25 00:00:00 | by WhY-dO-yOu-CrY | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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